戦闘機械 綾子 - Battlemachine Ayako

[darkbutflashy]

In that thread some of you had the wish for more female RoboCop content. Because I like that kind of story, too, I've decided to write one. I put it on Fembotwiki as the formatting within the phbBB here at FC is a bit daunting. Preface and first chapter is done, further chapters are in the workshop.
Find the preface here and take the poll!
Comments welcome.

[Sentient6]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aBaYVo89mmY

[Sentient6]

Will this be built or tf?

[darkbutflashy]

Will this be built or tf?

Depends how you define it. There is a "transformation", but no "nanites" or other magic-like devices. While I don't abhor the idea completely, it seems to me once a story is started from such hilarious "science of far far future", it soon gets undistinguishable from the muppet labs "where the future is being made today". Said that, Ode to Joy!

I think tf stories with chrome goddesses on output are sexy, but they are fairytales in their core. And that's what this story isn't. It's a tough police story which takes part in a not too far future. Like Masamune Shirow told it within "Appleseed", "Ghost in the Shell" and "Tank Police". Kudos to him! The storyboard for my story is complete, I already have begun writing down text for some of the later chapters. I've needed about 20h to think about the first chapter and to write it down so I think we'll have one chapter every 3 weeks or so. That will be ~18 month until it's finished.

The poll results are quite satisfactorily, so I'll post the first chapter tomorrow.

Oh, and by the way, native language speakers (AE/BE) welcome for editorial work. If you find spelling and grammar mistakes or odd wording, feel free to correct it. It's a wiki! Artists welcome for Illustrations (the ASCII art I can do gets old after a while).

[darkbutflashy]

Poll results after one day have been more than encouraging:

Hot or Not?
==========
Yeah, I cannot await stories of powerful, yet beautiful women beating up losers: 6 (60%)
Yeah, any story is better than no story: 2 (20%)
Nah, I like my fembots to be subservant and mild: 2 (20%)
Nah, I abhor the idea of women beating up people: No votes

First Chapter is up!
The first chapter is a little longer than the others because of the character introduction. I expect the others to be around 5000 words each.

Oh, and don't forget to take the new poll. Comments welcome, too.

[darkbutflashy]

Ok, the interim poll results seem reasonable now. Who likes to volunteer as my editor? Either correct my mistakes in the story articles on Fembotwiki yourself (ask Robotman for an account if you don't have one) or PM me. Bonus: you get to read the next chapter while it's in the workshop. Well, maybe that's not a bonus.

For the third poll option "make serious money from his engineering job, then write his stuff down in german and hire a professional translator", is that single vote a vote for "I like this in German, too" or a vote for "this is so terribly broken beyond repair, no volunteer should bother with it"?

[darkbutflashy]

No volunteers so far, no comments either. Now I don't know what to think. Please help!

BTW: Next chapter is 40% done, so the estimate of only one chapter per month seems to be correct. Sorry.

[darkbutflashy]

Sorry it took so long but I haven't had the motivation to write anything during the whole last year. Two weeks ago I woke up from the long sleep and wrote the second chapter (and revised the first a little). The third chapter is growing, I hope I can put it online in the next weeks.

Direct link to second chapter

For the stats, last poll result was:

Dark should:
===========
Open himself one more coke, drink it, write more than one chapter per month: 4 (67%)
Seriously look for a voluntary editor that helps him avoiding these stupid spelling/grammar/wording mistakes that disturb the story: 1 (17%)
Make serious money from his engineering job, then write his stuff down in german and hire a professional translator: 1 (17%)
Make serious money from his engineering job and never try writing again: No votes

Comments welcome, as well as taking the new poll.

[darkbutflashy]

I've completed the third chapter of the story. It became longer than I thought and writing was fun.

Direct link to third chapter

Last poll result was:

So Ayako is a bit tsundere, well...
=============================
I like it! She's not even pesky enough: no votes
She deserves all what happens to her!: 3 (75%)
*Please* make her less erratic: no votes
I hope for Irina being completely different: 1 (25%)

I'm a little nervous I've lost a lot of readers since the first installment due to the long delay. I still hope I can do a new chapter every month. If you like to play in the story universe and share some ideas for the upcoming chapters, you could do so in a roleplaying session with me.

I'd eagerly await your comments (and don't miss the new poll).

[darkbutflashy]

Battery finally made me finish the next chapter. It was on my hard disk for a while but today he provided another fine piece of artwork as an illustration and I got the needed push to write the missing 1000 words from that. Thanks!

I hope you enjoy the chapter as much as his drawing.

Direct link to fourth chapter

No new poll as the participation on the latest one was poor. Please tell me what you are thinking.

[--NightBattery--]

oooh FINALLY!

[T-elos/Thurosis]

i will read it by time.
i lately i'm a bit inspired to draw female robocops due to the inspiring art from Kobe-sensei (if someone is interested http://www.pixiv.net/member_illust.php? ... d=50268960)

[darkbutflashy]

That guy's drawings: cannot decide whether they are cool or hot. Shivering!

If you draw some some robocopettes, I would be much more a fan of your art than I already am. I just like my fembots to be non-submissive. At least on first hand.

[--NightBattery--]

Nice interlude you got there.
Heheheh loose wrists are bad omens for cops eh?

[darkbutflashy]

It's slice of life and a bit of action. Make everything cozy and nice and then *BLAM* *BLAM* *BLAM*.
Next chapter will have some action again. And I'd already started.