Miss USA at Miss Universe pageant ... wha oh

[Cornelius]

Good for us, but bad for her career.

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(image courtesy of http://9gag.com/gag/arpMoN6)

[Sophisa]

That is incredibly tacky.

It's like... I'm not even sure how to describe it, it's... what would happen if you went to the camp-est gay bar you could find, slipped something hallucenogenic into the drinks, then asked the crowed to design a villain for the next Michael Bay Transformers movie, by committee.

[--NightBattery--]

[tectile]

Miss USA certainly dropped the ball but I don't care. I'm all about Miss Canada. I want to mount that Mountie

She probably says "aboot and ay" and that's always cute

[WilloWisp]

...you know you cannot talk car shop and not have it sound sexual.

Challenge accepted.

* ...rotate her tires.
* ...recharge her air conditioner.
* ...calibrate her timing belt.
* ...replace her headlight.
* ...patch up her brake lines.
* ...improve her fuel efficiency.
* ...fix that rattling noise when she turns left.
* ...balance her front wheels.
* ...fix that short in her alternator.
* ...replace the fuse for her interior dome light.
* ...reconnect her fan belt.
* ...flush her radiator.

Granted, that last one sounds kind of medical, but not what most people would consider sexual innuendo, per se.

[WilloWisp]

Oh, be fair. Adding "Hey baby" before it makes it sound sexual regardless.

"Hey baby, wanna prove Fermat's last theorem with me?"

See? Possibly the dullest thing you could propose as a pickup line, and it still sounds dirty.

Still, it was remiss of me to suggest them without some experimental data to back them up, so I tried them on a certain female rather close to me. Admittedly, my experimental sample set was rather small, and I didn't have a control case to use as a basis of comparison (Instead, I'm relying on the wide range of already-documented test cases for normal variables).

Based on the results of my experiment, I can confidently state that my suggested come-ons prompt only increasingly confused looks, with the sole exception of the last one, which prompted the test subject to blink several times and then remind me that I still hadn't answered her question about what I wanted to do for dinner. When prompted about whether sex was on her mind before, during, and after the test lines, she responded the before value to be moderate, the during value to be low, and the after value to be none.

Additionally, she then provided me with multiple suggestions of what to say or do to increase that value, if that was my desired objective - but I believe that to be the result of the post-test question regarding sexual thoughts, and not the test lines themselves. As such, I will not list those suggestions in these results.

Conclusion: My suggested car-related statements are unlikely to prompt sexual thoughts or responses, and are instead likely to prompt confusion and impatience regarding dinner-related questions.

Additionally, although outside the scope of the experiment, the act inquiring regarding the intensity of a woman's sexual thoughts and desires before, during, and after an unarousing experience is itself likely to prompt suggestions for elevating that intensity.

Unrelated to the above, but nonetheless valuable information: "I don't know, what do you want for dinner" is unlikely to be considered a valid response regarding dinner plans.

[--NightBattery--]

Based on the results of my experiment, I can confidently state that my suggested come-ons prompt only increasingly confused looks, with the sole exception of the last one, which prompted the test subject to blink several times and then remind me that I still hadn't answered her question about what I wanted to do for dinner. When prompted about whether sex was on her mind before, during, and after the test lines, she responded the before value to be moderate, the during value to be low, and the after value to be none.

she probably was stressed.

[Saya]

Oh, Jesus.

*puts hands on her face and then puts her head on her desk*

The most powerful industrialized nation in the world, and we go and make our candidate for most beautiful woman dress up like a kitbashed G1 toy.

[WilloWisp]

Curious now. What did she say could be said to increase the sexuality?

The written English language is inadequate for describing her suggestions. How good are you at extrapolating 12 dimensional geometry from 7 dimensional projections?