Question for our female viewers

[NatalieBayer]

I really want to tell my wife about all this, but wishing to not be selfish I would like to know from our female audience what it is that is so appealing to you about the fetish. Also any pointers on how to breech the subject would be more than welcome.

[Sthurmovik]

ViewerS? That's ambitious.

[MotorMan]

I occasionally lurk on here, and when I happened to see this post I decided to register just to answer this question.

First of all, I’m not a girl, and I don’t know anything about you, your wife, or your sex life. So I’m going to keep this fairly general, because this is a question I see people ask a lot, either online or just with friends. I’m into *this*, and I want to tell my partner but I’m afraid of how he/she will react.

You have a sexual fetish, like most people with a special interest it’s something you’ve become used to hiding and may even be ashamed of. This is unfortunate, because having a sexual partner who knows what you’re into, not just the pedestrian stuff, but the stuff you’re REALLY into is awesome. I subscribe to the Dan Savage theory of sexual health (if you don’t read Savage Love, you really should), and a lot of the advice I’m about to give you is derivative of him, but also draws from my own personal experience having had ASFR relationships.

The truth is the majority of people are into something out of the ordinary in the bedroom: Whether it’s being urinated on by a partner, medical scenarios, or more mainstream stuff like being tied up and dominated. The list of potential fetishes is endless, and if you’ve been around the internet you’ve probably heard of and seen sexual material that’s much weirder.

What gives someone a fetish? No one really knows. The truth is, you can try psychoanalyzing yourself, but it really doesn’t matter. You like robots, and you probably always will. This doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you.

Personally I was obsessed with female robots for as long as I can remember, even before it became sexual in my teens. Even as a six year old kid I remember being ashamed of this, and knowing it was something I should never tell anyone. Then I got into high-school and college, and once I was a little older and wiser I realized that having a sexual fetish isn’t wrong. I opened up to my girlfriend at the time, which caused her to open up to me about things she was into, our sex then got better. I’ve been able to do this in relationships since, and it’s been incredible.

So how to tell your partner?

Step 1 — Get some confidence and put your fetish into perspective

You want to fuck robots evil-boo.

I’m assuming you want to tell your wife so as to have kinky robot sex with her. I don’t know what your specific interpretation of ASFR is, whether you’re a built guy or if you like transformation, and it doesn’t really matter. People are into all kinds of shit, and your fetish isn’t that weird in the scheme of things. It’s not a hugely common or recognizable fetish, but it’s really not that WEIRD.

You aren’t asking your partner for any great leaps of faith. She doesn’t have to play with vomit or fecal matter, you aren’t going to hit her, and presumably there are no animals or children involved. Compared to a lot of things, ASFR has a very low barrier to entry. Basically what you’re proposing is a specific role-play scenario that isn’t hugely different from your wife pretending she’s a teacher or a nurse.

Except that this scenario is one you are REALLY into.

I have no idea what kind of relationship you have with your wife, or what her sexual views are. But you are married to this woman, presumably she loves you and your relationship is monogamous.

In a monogamous relationship you are responsible for your partner’s sexual fulfillment, and vice versa. You are asking her to indulge a fetish that is very important to you, you have a right to do this, and as a good wife she is obligated to try. Just as, I remind you, if she opens up to you about some personal fetish you are obligated to indulge her.

Revealing this to your wife is probably something you have worked up in your mind to be a bigger deal than it is. While she may be surprised that she didn’t know this you may be surprised how positively (or neutrally) she reacts to it. Work up the courage and remember: odds are your wife cares more about you than what you’re into.

Step 2 — Introduction through Baby Steps

If you’re anything like me, you probably have your own sprawling and complex internal mythology when it comes to what your fetish. You’re a part of an internet community for people that share your interest, I checked the site’s hosted images (you’ve made photo manipulations), and you likely have a cache of your favorite ASFR stories and porn somewhere.

So when you finally decide to tell your wife (I’ll get to that in a bit), don’t show her any of this right away.

When you finally do decide to open up, resist the urge to dump everything on her at once because that CAN freak someone out.
Instead, start small. Initiate something with your wife, either the next time you have sex or maybe just tonight over dinner. Something on the order of,” So is there anything you’re into?”

Make it clear you are talking about sex. Try to get her to open up as to any fantasies she hasn’t shared with you, if she does open up GREAT! Either way this conversation will usually swing around into her asking you if you’re into anything. If it doesn’t, bring it up yourself.

-Be honest but general.

You’ve always fantasized about robots. Clarify here perhaps that what you are talking about is more in the vein of Austin Power’s fembots than Johnny 5. (important: choose better references)

-How does that work/what do you want her to do?

You want her act like a robot next time you have sex. It’s important to be specific about what this means, because odds are your wife has no idea. Do you like monotone speech, stiff movements, blank stares? How does she do that? Express this to her, and if she asks why, just explain it has always turned you on.

IMPORTANT!!!
-Have realistic expectations at first. You probably have a very specific idea of what you like and what she should do. Once she finally decides to give it a go you have a whole range of problems. She may have trouble acting at first, she will be self conscious about what she’s doing, and most specifically she may not be doing exactly what you have in mind. Your most important concern here is making sure she enjoys the role-play and that you assure her that she’s doing great. Be supportive, praise her, and make extra sure to get her off.

If she takes the plunge to become your robot, then make sure she knows how sexy you think she is and how much you enjoy it. Whatever you do, don’t be critical of her. Always remember that your wife is putting herself out there as much as you are. Even if her first attempts are nothing like what you’re into, keep trying, and make sure she knows her efforts are appreciated.

-Make sure that your partner knows this isn’t a passing interest.
You’re into robots. You’ll probably always be into robots. This isn’t something that you want to do once to get it out of your system. But also understand that your wife may not always be available for hot robot sex on command.

YOUR NUMBER ONE RESPONSIBILITY AT THIS POINT IS MAKING SURE YOUR PARTER LIKES HER INTRODUCTION TO YOUR FETISH.

So in summary:
1. Make sure any early robot play brings her to orgasm. If your wife has a hard time with orgasms or you do not normally provide them, it just became your mission in life. If you’re a guy who doesn’t like giving oral sex or is intimidated by vibrators, reform you ways. It’s the only guarantee of success
2. Make sure she feels sexy rather than silly. It’s easy for someone asked to act in an unfamiliar manner to get stage fright. Let her know how unbelievably hot it is when she stands at attention or says a “yes master”.
3. You’re displaying a new level of trust by confiding this in her. Let her know how much it means that she’s willing to do this with you. Better sex in the coming weeks and months will improve your relationship, point this out as it happens. Tell her how much you love her and how happy you are to have her.

Once your partner beings to feel comfortable with robot play and beings to associate it with guaranteed orgasms, feeling sexy, and positive emotions, you’re ready to move onto the next steps.

*If self consciousness is really proving to be a problem for your partner (or for you), introducing a little alcohol into the situation can be a good remedy. While it probably doesn’t need to be said, the goal is to be somewhere above toasty and below tipsy rather than drunk. Depending on your partner, the next entry may also help remedy self consciousness and general confusion on what to do. *

** Depending on how your partner responds to it, a little marijuana can also make early robot play very intense. Only suggest this route if you know how your partner responds to weed. If you take a shot in the dark, there’s as much as chance she’ll end up paranoid/self conscious/giggly/distracted as there is she’ll end up horny. This is actually something my current girlfriend and I tried while starting our first role-play and it really helped her get into character and be creative. I stress that this is a highly situational option, and that if you do decide to pursue it be extremely conservative in how much you use. The goal is to end up buzzed, not blazed. As always keep in mind your local laws, your personal obligations, safe purchase from a reputable source, safe transport, safe storage, and responsible use. **

*** For anyone else reading this, I subscribe to the 3 month rule for a relationship. I usually try to keep things vanilla until I’ve been dating a girl seriously for at least 3 months. This is the earliest I would ever try to introduce her to a fetish of mine. ***

edit: there's a second part to this, I just didn't know about board size limitations.
*edit: to the moderators: if my comments about marijuana are in violation of any board rules, please edit them out

[MotorMan]

Step 3 — Hot Robot Sex (Also known as: Where do we go from here?)

This is really the best part, and kind of the final step to consider. This is where you can take her general willingness to try your fetish and tailor it more to your (and her) more specific interests. This is where you move from the occasional “yes master” in the bedroom to more elaborate stuff. Costumes, games, props, hypnosis (either real or pretend), and scenarios are really up to you. I can’t help you with the specifics of that but I can give you some general advice and ideas.

-Take it slow. Rich fantasy worlds aren’t built overnight.

-The thing my girlfriend tells me is hardest about the robot play is knowing what to say. This comes with time and experience. Remember, you are building a character, or more specifically your wife is. Give this one a lot of time. This may be the point at which you introduce her to some fiction you “found”, so she can see how the characters you find appealing talk. Eventually she’ll build a persona she’s confident with and once she has that to work with, you’re really only limited by your imagination.

-Keep her interests in mind. If your wife opens up to you about something she’s into, HOORAY, it’s hybrid fetish time. ASFR can be combined with almost anything in role or costume play, so be accommodating. Any maid, teacher, doctor, orgasm denial or rape fantasy can be easily hyphenated with the word “robot”.

-COMMUNICATE. Keep talking about what you like, and what you’d like her to do. Though I’ve said it before: avoid being critical. Just as importantly: make sure you know what she wants YOU to do.

-KNOW HER LIMITS. Odds are you wife has certain acts she’s uncomfortable doing or unwilling to perform. This is something that can clash with the fantasy of an obedient robot. Have a conversation about what she’s not programmed to do. While you can and should always try to expand your boundaries NEVER force her to do something she’s uncomfortable with during the role-play. In robot play, your partner is “handing you the keys”, there’s no quicker way to ruin things than by trying to force your partner to do something they don’t want to.

-At its core ASFR is a control fetish. And no matter how involved it becomes or how deeply your wife gets into it, she’s still your wife not your robot slave. Establish a safe word and adhere to it. Establish a signal (either physical or verbal) for when you want her to turn into a robot, just as she should have a signal for when she wants to initiate the role-play with you. On nights were she has work to do/is ill/is menstruating/upset don’t push it. In short, never forget that your first responsibility is to be a loving partner. Even shorter: don’t be a dick.

-PLAN AHEAD . While spontaneous stuff is great, role-playing works better with a little preparation. Make it a date. Set something up for with your wife for example that from 6PM on Friday to 10PM on Sunday she will respond to all your attempts to transform her. Talk this over on Monday so she can check her plans and has advance knowledge to shave, stencil on seams/access panels, apply any temporary tattoos, etc. As for your part, come prepared with surprises, gifts, and ideas.

-When I asked my girlfriend about the one thing that gets her in the mood, she responded: knowing I look good that day. All women have days where they’re feeling fat or ugly (even if they’re not fat or ugly at all). Playing the part of your perfect fantasy robot, a role that implies she be flawless, can be intimidating. Be very supportive, and understand when she may not always feel adequate to play the part.

-COMMIT. It’s important to remember that you are in character just as much as your partner is, and breaking character is a bad habit. An engaging fantasy environment has its own internal logic and rules, try your best not to break them. If the safe word is coming out too often, alter your routine so you don’t force your partner to break character. If she’s sore, suddenly ill, or otherwise unable to perform something you want to do, and she tells you in character, take the hint. Real life can interrupt a good role play session and if your partner needs to “resume human emulation” to call into work or talk to the neighbors let it happen. Finally, don’t coach her during the act. In addition to being annoying, it takes you from being her robot master to being a nagging husband. Discussion and commentary is best done before and after.

A WORD ON ANAL SEX
-While this really holds true even outside of an ASFR role play environment, Anal Sex and Spontaneity do not go well together. In order to avoid potential mess follow good anal sex etiquette. e.g. Shower beforehand and use an anal douche or enema for cleaning. While anal is usually pretty mess free, poor preparation and an overly obedient robot can lead to a messy situation, which depending on how sensitive your partner is, can lead to embarrassment and tears.

EQUIPMENT AND COSTUME IDEAS

-The more money you’re willing to spend, the better your role-play will be. Costumes, props, even just shopping with her and buying her outfits you like how she looks in, will leave you with a much richer set of options.
Some ideas:

+Costumes can be fucking awesome. The more involved, the better the immersion.

-I swear by these : http://www.barcodeart.com/barcode_tattoos.html
Apply them properly and they look real, for anyone who cares they also scan. Custom ones are pretty affordable, so whatever your wife’s robot alter ego is called, you’re set.

-Invest in one of these. I should not need to explain the appeal and options it gives you. I have no experience with the panties, but the bullets work well as long as you keep fresh batteries. A good range is about 30 feet and will go through some walls. The games and scenarios this enables to you try are limitless. http://www.sextoy.com/category.php?a=st ... Kgod9kcNpA

-An I-pod, a pair of wireless headphones, and an afternoon spent making some short mp3 files gives you a functional remote control. Wireless headphones/earbuds/bluetooths tend to be fairly expensive so MAKE SURE THEY ARE COMPATIBLE WITH YOUR MP3 player. This is something that works best if it’s talked about before hand. http://www.amazon.com/JayBird-Sportsban ... 93&sr=1-18

-If you’re more of a control panel guy than a remote control guy, there are a plethora of athletic and swimwear accessories that allow someone to discreetly attach an I-pod to their body. http://www.ipodoutfitter.com/site/684650/page/517677

-For control panels, seams, or any other conceivable body art, eyeliner pencil can work in a pinch but henna is your best bet. It won’t become smeared when she sweats, and it will last much longer(about 10 days). USE STENCILS for best result, there are a multitude of guides on the internet that explain how to do this and the proper way to apply henna. The guides for stencil making can be fairly involved, but since you’re only making simple shapes, it’s not too hard to get the hang of.

-While it’s not so much my speed, battery powered fiber optic hair lights when woven into a bun can produce a cool effect.

-TAKE PICTURES. If you and your partner put a lot of effort into a weekend’s costume, make sure to remember it. Pictures (taken with a decent camera in good lighting, again go to google for tips), can also help your wife/girlfriend see how sexy she looks in full robot attire.

KEEPING IT FRESH
- Odds are your scenarios will begin to evolve once your fantasies start to be fulfilled. Be sure to introduce new games, new scenarios, and potentially new partners (this last one is situational). Eventually, no matter how good the set up, costume, and acting gets, the “Come here and give me a blowjob” fantasy will get old. If not for you then for her.

Some ideas:
-Within the bounds of your fantasy, this robot presumably exists to please you. However you always need to make sure your partner is getting as much out of the role-play as you are. A full body massage justified as an inspection, using her vibrator on her while forcing her to stand at attention, reversing the roles and making her a dominant robot programmed to accomplish something, whatever she’s into really. If she isn’t able to get her rocks off so to speak, she may quickly lose interest. Always ask for her input after a session, know what she liked, what she didn’t, and what she wants to try next time.

-If it’s something that appeals to you, push the limits. Go out in public while she’s in robot persona and maybe even costume (if your costume is subtle enough). This doesn’t have to be so overt that other people notice, but it can be fun and exciting. Even if it’s just a trip to the grocery store together, your partner may appreciate the ability to show off if she has put effort into her appearance.

-Take a break every once in a while. While a good role-play can go on for weeks or months, your partner may not have your tireless enthusiasm for acting like a robot. If she has her own special interests, devote some weekends to exploring them in their “pure” form. Some time away from your fantasy should build anticipation for both of you. Also a little good casual vanilla sex from time to time never hurt anyone.
-As far as introducing her to FBC and your photos, you may never need to. And if you did, at this point, I doubt she’d care.

Step 4 - … PROFIT????

The bottom line: If you have a raging sexual fetish that your long term partner is unaware of it can create a lot of resentment and generally bad sex. Getting it out there can mean a renewed interest in your sex life and disclosing this private information to your wife will help strengthen your marriage and make the coming months and years something to really look forward to.

I hope this helps anyone who reads it.

Good luck evil-boo, let us know how it goes.

/guide

Edit: While I didn’t intend this at first, it has run to more than 3000 words. Any interest that the mods might want to post it in a sticky on how to break you robot interest to your partner? I’d probably edit it to be more general.

[keraptis]

I just want to say that those two posts by MotorMan are excellent.

I don't necessarily subscribe to every last thing you mention, but that's not the point ... there is plenty of good advice for anyone to apply selectively to their own life. Most importantly, you are 100% on target with your general ideas about integrating a fetish into a relationship in a way that is considerate of the other person and designed to bring you closer.

As a very happily married guy, I can attest to the importance to anyone's sanity and well-being to have a partner who understands you and is willing to be your fantasy. But as MotorMan said, it is absolutely a two-way street.

Well done.

[Enchanter]

I'm very impressed with the extent and quality of MotorMan's reply.

But he makes an assumption that doesn't have to be true: that your goal in telling your wife about this is so you can have kinky robot sex with her. That might happen and will probably be awesome if it does, but even if it doesn't, there's more you might gain.

I have found that just the mere fact of knowing I don't have to hide this side of myself from the people I care about - whether or not they themselves find it interesting or want to enact it with me - is a HUGE relief. Keeping secrets is tiring and draining. Keeping them from someone you live with and love is even more so. Just being able to stop worrying about "what if she finds out?" is going to be a big win for you and probably a seriously good thing for your relationship.

The reason I mention this is because I think it would be wise, when you bring the topic up with your wife, to make it clear that it's not just about having a new kind of kinky sex with her - that in fact, even if she doesn't feel it's something she wants to do with you now or perhaps ever, that just the fact that she knows this about you and accepts it and still loves you is a big deal all on its own. It puts a lot less pressure on her to hear, "I love and trust you so much that I want to share this secret about myself with you," than to hear, "I want you to play out my kinky robot fantasies with me." If she finds your ideas intriguing, she'll probably ask you if there's anything she can do to work with you on that, and *then* you can say, "well, if you want to, we could try..." But even if she just says, "Hm, well, I don't think I get it, but I still love you," you're still way ahead.

Good luck!

[Thotherhole]

Decide to come out of lurking and let me just say... that was an awesome post by MotorMan.

[Peachclouds]

impressive! this is exactly what i was looking for! thank you MotorMan!

[Robo_Sugar]

All good relationships should have allowance for exploration. I find that when you are feeling like playing around in a bedroom, it's best to be up front about it. If you're too shy, play 20 Questions over wine or a shot (I like whiskey..can't stand wine). Bring it up as a question "What is a fantasy you would like to act out?" Let that lead into your fantasy, or ask "Would you be interested in acting out a robotic scene?" I've found that many women are afraid of looking stupid. So start slowly and build up to a full game. If she is going to be your robogirl be prepared to become what she wants in return.