OK, this one is an instant top 10 on the weirdness scale

[keraptis]

Somehow stumbled across this page:
http://members.surfbest.net/smallwonder ... nClub.html

I was never much of a "Small Wonder" fan ... I mean c'mon, she's like eight years old or something. But this page, which features letters written to the actress who portrayed Vicki the robot (of course, 99% likely to never actually have been read by her), is way out there.

My personal favorite is the letter from David Zapasnik which reads:

Dearest Tiffany, I am a fan of yours for a long time, and have been amazed by your various performances over the years. I think your work on Small Wonder as that kooky l'il robot was one of the grandest performances ever. Those four years that the series ran I was glued to the television waiting to see what mischeif you'd get into next. I was oh so sorry to see that the show was cancelled, or as I prefer to think of it, "on hiatus". Your portrayal of a robot was the best. I actually thought that you were one the very first time I saw the show. What a dummy I was. Duh! I have since "grown up". Now I realize that there are actually very few actual robots on TV, many of them not even on sitcoms. I always hoped to see you on StarTrek: The Next Generation as a friend of Data. I thought that you two would make a great team, because you always got into mischeif and Data always solved the problem. I used to draw pictures of the two of you doing things together, like playing on a swing set or going shopping together. Do you ever talk to Brent Spiner? He's the man who plays Data the robot. There was a robot on Get Smart, too, named Hymie. Do you know him? So many robots on TV don't even look like robots. I heard that the Lost In Space show had a robot that looked like a robot. That became a movie. And so did the StarTrek show. Will Small Wonder become a movie? That would be a good movie. You could have all the TV robots be in it and you could all solve crimes or something. I have drawn pictures of you doing things like that too so if you need ideas I have pictures. I have seen some of the other movies you have done, but I was disappointed because you didn't act like a robot in any of them. What do you do to get into "robot" mode? How do you think like a robot? Do you hang out with the toaster? Haha! I'm just kidding. I have a lot of jokes like that. What did the robot say to the gas pump? "Take your finger out of your ear when i'm talking to you." Haha! How many robots does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just one. Haha! That one is my favorite! Why did the robot cross the road? It was programmed to. Hahaha! I collect all kinds of stuff about robots and I plan on making my own robot some day. I made one out of cardboard this summer, but I accidentally left it out in the yard overnight and someone stole it. It never did what I programmed it for anyway, so I didn't care too much. Sometimes I pretend I am a robot and that someone stole me and I have to escape. Or when I go to the mall I act like a robot. I "program" myself to ask people for change so I can buy things. I say it like a robot,too. I say "I am a robot. I want to buy some gum." . Some times they give me pennys and some times they yell at me. They can probably tell i'm not really a robot. I'm not as good at it as you are. Do you ever ask for change as a robot? You could probably get a lot. I read that you like to do things like riding horses. Do you ever do them as a robot? Have you ever ridden a robot horse? Where do robots come from? I hope you will send me the answers to all my questions. I have to go to the mall now. I have bills to pay.

I love you and I love robots,
David


That is some seriously funny stuff, and I don't mean that in a mean-spirited way, since it is almost entirely a big satire on robot lovers like ourselves. Who knows, somewhere in there might be glimpses of an an honest confession that the author is just as crazy about robots as he claims, but even if not, this had me laughing out loud.

Any chance that one or more of the authors of those emails are members of this board?

[noidguy]

LOL!!!! Good stuff. I can picture the guy looking like Mike Myers sitting in his bathtub making droorings.

[Rotwang]

Reading it, you hope David is thirteen years old, then you discover he's a 45-year old Bricklayer from Patersen New Jersey.

Of course there is also the sort of stuff that does get sent to actors and performers by crazed ASFR fans scaring the crap out of them and ruining it for everybody else.

[kb7rky]

Nah, that ain't a 10...that's the internet version of the Asian Tsunami...

That man is seriously bordering on deranged...I mean, good lord, a 45 year old bricklayer writing to a woman, quite literally, half his age? And spewing moldy old jokes, trying to impress her?

Makes you wonder exactly what goes into that mortar they use to slap bricks together...

What a fricken nutcase...somebody please give this man a straightjacket and a room with rubber wallpaper...and keep him away from sharp instruments...

Doug (who takes his interest in gynoids/fembots seriously...at 65 posts and counting)

[minkwheel]

........SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN SOMEONE PEES IN THE GENE POOL?

nah....it's probably a fan who is hopped up on writing to his favorite celebrity ...mixing a little of the fantasy of television with reality....the guy may be learning disabled, and live more in a fantasy land of comfort that makes him happy..... this note was most likely DISSED by Tiffany Brissette anyway ...she HATES being linked with SMALL WONDER, and has retreated to a religious lifestyle...... the evil VANESSA robot has taken over a small island in the Pacific and has aspirations of meeting Carl's Jr. one day......-- I know this to be a fact, because I have drawn pictures of it right here.... --minkwheel

[mariahbot81]

Man that is really funny. I dont want to be a hypocrite, but he seems to have fallen off the deep end. But I cant critisise at least he had the guts to write what he felt. I'd be too chicken.

[Rotwang]

Actually I was joking (It's a reference to a Simpsons episode)

But this is a style of writing I have seen before. It's the weird fanboy gone too far. It does go off the weirdness scale, but it's a major problem :

I just dread the day somebody will write that kind of letter to people I know with a mention "My friend Rotwang, who is your biggest fan ..."

I don't want to scare the "mundanes" because of my little fetish. I can draw the line between fantasy and reality and contain myself. We are fortunate that people like Ginger West and Sharon Hallingdall are understanding of AFSR and most membres are civil people, but some people would probably ditch their act, burn their gear and spend sleepless nights with a gun under their pillow if they got letters like that.

[kb7rky]

Actually I was joking (It's a reference to a Simpsons episode)

But this is a style of writing I have seen before. It's the weird fanboy gone too far. It does go off the weirdness scale, but it's a major problem :

I just dread the day somebody will write that kind of letter to people I know with a mention "My friend Rotwang, who is your biggest fan ..."

I don't want to scare the "mundanes" because of my little fetish. I can draw the line between fantasy and reality and contain myself. We are fortunate that people like Ginger West and Sharon Hallingdall are understanding of AFSR and most membres are civil people, but some people would probably ditch their act, burn their gear and spend sleepless nights with a gun under their pillow if they got letters like that.

Well, I, for one, can speak from experience...meeting Ginger West was one of the highlights of my life...a wonderful lady, very polite and sincere, and actually let me give her a hand with some of her videos. If anyone's downloaded "Any Man Of Mine" from her site...yes, that's me at the end of the video. Drew shot the vid itself, while I was off to the side shooting some stills (maybe I'd better get those posted...).

For those of you who can't read lips (in the video), I said "I think she likes me..."

Sharon Hallingdal is a great performer, too, though I didn't have a chance to meet with her like I did with Ginger and Drew.

And, yes, I've been hounding the Nez Perce County Fair Board to bring Ginger back next year! Good thing I know a few people who serve on the board...

Doug (60! 60 posts to go!)

[keraptis]

I still think the letter in question is intended as satire. Read it again ... there is no way that letter is supposed to be taken at face value.

[kb7rky]

I still think the letter in question is intended as satire. Read it again ... there is no way that letter is supposed to be taken at face value.

By that same token, Keraptis, with all the nutcases loose in the world (present company included ), you never know if something like this is real or, as you said, a satire.

It's such a shame, though...some people can't separate real from fantasy...

Now, if you'll excuse me, there's a dragon in my dungeon that needs slaying...where's my armor and sword?



Doug (definitely off his rocker...and hitting 52 posts to go!)

[Moxon]

Yeah, the last tline sort of gives it all away as a joke. Way too wittily self-deprecating for someone who is actually that crazy.

[mariahbot81]

I still think the letter in question is intended as satire. Read it again ... there is no way that letter is supposed to be taken at face value.

Even if this letter is a joke, then it's a good one. I laugh every time I read it, that is some seriously funny stuff.