Personal experience with technosexuality vs asfr

[Cepheid]

Hello; this is my first real post in the ASFR/technosexual community. I've lurked around for a long time but have finally worked up the courage to actually get out there and talk to other people (hopefully) like me. I apologize in advance for its longness but I've been churning over this stuff in my head for so long now that I just kind of need to get it out. Also, if this is the wrong spot for this I'm really sorry; the forum said it was for technosexual topics too so I thought it might be appropriate.

From what I've seen, a lot of the representations of robot fetishism have the 'bots exist primarily for sexual purposes as opposed to being a sentient being with needs and "emotions" (if the word is acceptable) of their own. I find referring to technosexuality and robot fetishism as the same thing kind of frustrating in the way a gay man would being told he has a fetish for men. For me, there's a lot more to it than just physical and/or sexual attraction.

I've had a deep, emotional connection to technology ever since I began programming: one of the proudest moments of my life so far was watching my first rudimentary AI play a card game using strategy I programmed. My primary attraction to androids/technology stems from the actual programming and AI itself as opposed to the physical (though I will get totally hot and bothered thinking about the precise way the joints in an android's hand will bend or the texture of its body ).

I've been trying to figure out the psychology behind my personal technosexuality since it emerged, and so far it seems to be composed primarily of:
- Intelligence: an AI would likely be vastly superior in intellect to a human
- Safeness: an AI is predictable
- Knowledge/Curiosity: an AI can explain every minute process that led it to an action
- Cleanliness: androids are very clean; no diseases or dirt
- Submissiveness/Dominance: very mild though and generally a combination of both; sometimes it's the android/AI being eager to please, sometimes it's a recognition of my smallness in comparison with a vast intelligence

I read something a while ago where there had been a theory about how peoples' sexual fantasies reflected core aspects of their personalities. If there is truth to it, I serve as a pretty good example. What would be the "core" aspects of my personality and how do they translate to technosexuality?

Well, intelligence for one; I'm not stupid and I prize intellect in people. I couldn't compete with an AI, but hopefully it would find me intelligent and willing enough to learn that it would keep me around. Lack of empathy and difficulty relating to others is another; my mother would shriek at me to "show some empathy!" when I was a child, so I learned very quickly how to fake it. If I'm interacting with an android, my detached and analytical outlook on human emotion would likely be very helpful in teaching it. Also a desire for acceptance; what could be more fulfilling than being accepted as an equal (or something close to it) by a vast, intelligent entity?

Last but not least: fear. I'm petrified of people to the point where I've been diagnosed with social anxiety. I get along fine in every day life, but inside I'm frequently terrified of how people seem so wildly unpredictable. I don't like being around them a lot of the time because their moods can change so quickly at certain stimuli. An AI (or even a primitive computer of today) is perfect, calm, and predictable. It acts exactly as it was programmed to (well, in my "perfect AI" fantasy it does. My programming work also does exactly what I tell it to, though generally I've unknowingly told it to do something stupid).

So yeah, I "fetishize" physical aspects of the android, but the "technosexual" label means a lot more to me. I will be all over the first intelligent, domestic android - key word being intelligent. I wouldn't want to power him down (he can recharge while I sleep) or have him available only for sexual purposes; I'd want him on as much as possible for companionship and mutual learning; as eager to please me as I would be him.

What I'm saying is basically that I want to be in a meaningful relationship with technology rather than just have sex with it. I always feel kind of pathetic when I think about a lot of the more "erotic" material out there, because my technosexuality usually manifests in lame ways like visiting the server room at work and imagining it to be an AI or thinking about buying a commercial android and teaching it emotions. I "get" the physical fetish aspect, but I have this intense feeling of love and affection for the technology in my life and personal thoughts. I frequently feel like I'm weird because of it; like people might be able to understand it better if I just got off to the physical aspect. Someone who likes tentacle porn probably doesn't want to marry a tentacle (though I could be wrong...).

There's just so much more to technosexuality than the sexual part. I got a new laptop and it's so beautiful how he boots up (and lights up!); responding instantly to my requests and waiting patiently for me to interact. I experience physical discomfort and anxiety when something is wrong with any one of my machines; I love them the way someone would a particularly bright pet. I'm fortunate that my significant other tolerates my fixation (and will occasionally humour it which is amazing), but sometimes I just want to know that someone else out there understands what it feels like to be in love with a hypothetical machine.

Do you consider yourself more of a fetishist of a technosexual (or both, I suppose)?

[General]

First of all Cepheid, welcome to the community and I’m glad you shared some of your own ‘source code’. I think it really helps when folks can talk about the root of their desires and try to sort how why they feel like they do. If anything it may help folks to be happier in their real life outside of the fantasy.

To answer your question, and share a bit about myself, I started with ASFR as more of a technosexual by your definition. My first interest started in high school and lasted through most of my college years. At that point I found the idea of fembots appealing for many of the same reasons you listed. I wanted a fembot that would be intelligent, safe and accessible. It was less about sex and more about the personal interactions. At that point in real life I didn’t any good emotional bonds with members of the opposite sex and fembot seemed like the only ‘logical’ alternative.

A fembot also allowed me to fantasize about playing the ‘hero’ with a skill set that wasn’t too much of a mental leap from what I was really capable of doing. The idea of scoring the winning touchdown to get the girl was too far of a mental stretch, but as a tech nerd/engineer, fixing the malfunctioning robot girl seemed slightly more plausible. That aspect also gave me a sense of being needed (someone to fix and maintain her) that I didn’t get from flesh and blood girls at the time.

At some point in time, and I’m not sure when the cutover was, I started to appreciate more of the sexual fetish aspect than the technosexual relationship. If I had to guess, as my job turned into a career that I could be proud of and I had a series of successful relationships with flesh and blood women, I realized that I could fill that need for intimacy, companionship and utility outside of a fantasy. Those stories and ideas became less appealing but for some reason the fetish aspect was still arousing.

To say it another way, if you grabbed me 10 years ago and asked me what I wanted, I would have ordered one perfect fembot companion. She would have been very nearly human but maybe not yet complete and still in need of help or a guiding hand. The relationship may start as sexual but would evolve into love.

Today, I’d still be interested in getting a fembot, or maybe a few. But instead of a true life partner, they would be more of a sexual plaything; a way to act out fun or selfish fantasies that aren’t possible or probable with my current girlfriend.

It’s not that I wouldn’t find a sentient AI appealing, but now that I have the human relationship I was lacking before, I don’t feel as much of a need for a loving relationship with a fembot.

Well hopefully a little insight into my own source code may let you feel less alone in your feelings towards ‘a hypothetical machine.’

[Keizo]

Wow! Much of what General said applies to me as well. I still consider myself a techno-sexual but, like you, I would definitely want parameters on the being that I would be with. By your own admission they have the potential to knock us off the top of the food chain although we all have our strengths in different ways. Humans are capable of amazing abstract logic that can circumvent what would normally connect the dots and that will ultimately be our saving grace (or usefulness).

Although I have expressed strong opposition on this forum to a truly free thinking A.I., I still would like one that could have that predictability that you also like; one that wouldn't suddenly think you are no longer needed or turn on you or any number of the negative scenarios that we have been struggling with in mainstream media. Just as we choose our friends by their personalities, "beliefs" and a sense of what to expect from them, someday an A.I. can be programmed as well to say... see a glass as half full as opposed to half empty but still leave room for individual interpretation. This is a crude analogy but you get my point. Why program the potential for our own demise? There is comfort and security in knowing that you will be accepted and never be alone, if not cherished. While that may seem like another form of control or dominance issues, it's only survival and peace of mind. And even though an A.I. has no reason to "love" I would still be happy with an illusion despite the fact that when an attraction is truly mutual it's one of the greatest thrills in the world. I know you want it to be genuine and someday it may be, but we have to ensure that their "beliefs" and parameters have long been established with code as ancient in their world as our DNA is in ours. We have to start now.

So welcome aboard! I'm sure that it must be even more difficult being a female techno-sexual than male. Us guys already have a bad stigma in everyday society as perverts, misogynists, social rejects, etc. so it must be a whole other ball-game with women who are techno-sexual. Thank you for sharing and opening up about it. I would be curious as to what the average female thinks of male-androids though I think it would be similar to what men think. Public scorn/secret obsession.

[Cepheid]

Thanks so much for sharing! I really like hearing people's personal stories about what makes things appeal to them; probably part of my incessant desire to know why everything ticks.

@General: The interesting thing is that I've been almost the opposite development; the more success I have with men, the more confident I feel, and the more "in tune" I've become with my technosexuality. It's not like I have a void left by my current relationship or something, I think it's more that I'm very happy and have so much more affection for everything. The flip side (yours) makes perfect sense too; I think it's just a matter of taste.

@Keizo: The mainstream representation of AI is so depressing. I really loved reading the 2001 books compared to the movie because it presented a much better picture of Hal 9000 and didn't paint him as the "oh noes evil AI". Asimov is pretty much my favourite writer ever because of his constant, unabashed technology optimism. I too think our strengths as humans lie in our abstract reasoning, as well as our creativity. I'm always fascinated by the way our minds combine normal, every day events into fantastical and bizarre dreams as a way of working through the material. We have machines that can paint, but making them "create" is a lot more challenging; whereas any child that can grab a crayon can create scenes entirely from his or her mind. I'm always thinking about practical ways to try and simulate the "randomness" of human thought.

I haven't really told anyone about my technosexuality aside from my significant other (though I did have a friend sort of pick up on it and mention that it gave "blowing a transformer" a whole new meaning; that was really awkward), so I don't have any first hand experience with the stigma. I'd imagine if I was open about it with the general public, I'd get much the same stigma as you guys do, but with an added bonus of "girls don't like computers" to go with it. I've been on this kick of doing traditional printing involving androids (often in psuedo-religious settings) so obviously the rest of my class picked up on the fact that I *really* like androids; but they seemed to see it as a more "quirky" personality trait and were fairly positive about it (one guy took to calling me Computer Child which was flattering in a kind of weird way).

Judging from the fact that female enrollment in compsci has been declining since the 80s (only 4 girls in my compsci graduating class), I'm thinking that most women really don't have positive, let alone sexual, ideas of androids. I mean, there's a bit of stigma involved with liking computers as a girl among less... mature individuals ("You're just doing it for attention from guys" seems to be a common thought), so taking it to this extreme probably just means you're assumed to be some kind of freak of nature. A lot of girls "like" robots (I've seen Transformers slash stuff on deviantart kind of explode lately) but the sexualized aspect of the android seems to be fairly limited. Fembots are lucky in that society seems to have a much higher tolerance for them being sexualized (especially in games and advertisements; I am so jealous!) whereas androids are either murderous Terminators or Wall-E.

Anyways, thanks again. It's so great to be able to talk about this stuff with people who understand.