Take it out in trade - snippet.

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zerodin
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Take it out in trade - snippet.

Post by zerodin » Fri Jun 05, 2020 11:21 pm

This just sorta popped in my head, so I figured I'd post it here. I'm not great at formatting.
For reference Gina is somewhat based on Red from Red-XXX, and Harry is a Mike Stoklasa of Red Letter Media-type.

The baked-on "make up" and style her silky red hair was in said "posh sophisticate", however the form-hugging jumpsuit Gina was wearing said "Welcome to Harry's. How can I help you?"
The mature-looking ginger fembot's eyes fluttered open, "What on EARTH?!", she called out in an indignant tone. "Where are my clothes?! What is this ridiculous thing I am wearing?!"
She recognized her surroundings, it was the repair shop her owner had been taking her to for years. "Harry! What is the meaning of this?! I look like a blue collar working girl!", Gina huffs as the aforementioned Harry emerges from the next room "This is obscene! This outfit is giving me a...cameltoe!", still indignant she all but whispers the last word. Harry remains silent as the feisty fembot rants. He just quietly sips on the soda he got out of the fridge in his office.

Synthetic Intelligence personalities, like Gina's were the ethical way to get around the slippery-slope of making robots that were sentient. While they appear to have genuine thoughts and feelings, this is all an algorithm affected by an infinite number of random variables, many impacted by the social environment the fembot finds herself in. In short, the longer a fembot has been active, the more genuine she appears, but its all fakery. Say your robot discovers disco, and decides she hates it with a passion. Change a 0 to a 1 in one XML file, and adjust the accompanying percentage below, and she suddenly finds it mildly enjoyable. Gina was owned by a wealthy lawyer, and was thus used to finery, hence her snobbish personality and sense of entitlement.


"Now you get my husband on the phone, this instant Harry!", Gina stomps her boot-clad foot "...oh, these are so ugly!" she groans. "Clancy ain't coming back for you." Harry says plainly "Three points!" he exclaims successfully tossing the empty soda can into the receptacle across the room "What do you mean he's not coming for me?!" "Because his law firm went bust. He needed the money, so I bought you off him. Probably paid more than I shoulda, but Clancy is one of my favorite customers, so I had to help him out.", Harry explains "...I see.", Gina says in a humbled tone.
"And...how much did you buy me for?" she asks. "...Twelve thousand. Like I said, I was being generous." Harry shrugs. "Generous?! OHH!", Gina's voice booms "My retail value is well over double that!", she throws her head back pridefully. "Yeah, five years ago when you were the latest model. Now a days a "New old Stock" never activated unit will go for eight!" Harry's retort stung the fembot's pride a bit. "Then that's that. I suppose you'll open the back of my head up and install all sorts of lewd data cards, maybe rewrite me so I'm less shrew-like, hmm?!" Gina begrudgingly resigns herself to her new fate "Well, I already installed a repair database card, cause you'd make a piss poor assistant, if you didn't know how to fix robots. As for your personality...I think I'll leave it alone. Bitchy chicks are kinda hot!" Harry shrugs

Robjoe
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Re: Take it out in trade - snippet.

Post by Robjoe » Mon Jun 08, 2020 1:15 am

Seems you're off to an interesting start there! I particularly enjoyed the contrast between the indignant offense Gina feels about being dressed in something she perceives as sexualized, and the pride she takes (or took) in her retail value, something that directly affirms her status as property. It's like she understands and accepts her existence as an appliance, and yet still presumes to have opinions on how she should or shouldn't be used. It seems her issue is not necessarily with being manipulated and used as a robotic device, but rather being used in ways she deems tasteless or wasteful of her high-class capabilities. "Really, you purchased a machine as expensive and classy as myself just to dress me in this this tawdry little get-up...?"

I felt it could've done without the expository paragraph in the middle, however. It really broke up the flow of their interaction, and was all information that could've been naturally incorporated into their conversation, demonstrated in a simple interaction (particularly the bit about reprogramming an android's interests), or unimportant enough to omit altogether. As it is, it feels disjointed from the story, and (while some may disagree) having it deliberately spelled out that this AI is precisely nothing more than a computer program felt like a sort of ethical disclaimer, and did dampen the robot's allure for me personally (though I do say this as someone who's never seen the excitement of something being treated as "just a machine" when it is, indeed, just a machine). If Gina is truly devoid of any awareness/existence, might I suggest taking a minute to brainstorm what holes may exist in her all-too-perfect simulation, and what situations may bring these flaws out, in order to show the reader (and possibly even surprise them with) her vast emptiness. But above all else, remember: A little ambiguity can go a long way to keeping readers curious about and engaged with your characters and events!

And one more thing, outside the story's content: You mentioned you're not good with formatting, but it looks readable at a casual glance. I do have one basic piece of advice for you on that front, and that's to start a new paragraph every time a different character speaks. Especially in one-on-one scenes, it gives the reader easy visual indication that the speaker just changed, and it also frees you of the monotonous tagging of all dialogue with [ He said "..." and then she responded "..." etc. ].

Fun premise overall though; I love seeing a mouthy and willful robot casually treated as an object! Best of luck.

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Re: Take it out in trade - snippet.

Post by zerodin » Fri Jun 12, 2020 10:40 am

Like I said, I'm no writer. I can come up with a concept, but fully fleshing it into a proper story format most people would find easy to follow, has never been my strong point.
I just sometimes get piece of a story stuck in my head on loop and the only way to get it out is to put in down somewhere. This one had a sexy, snippy robot lady, so here it went.

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