Feedback and You!

Share your fembot fiction and fantasies here or discuss the craft of writing by asking for or giving suggestions.
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australopith
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Re: Feedback and You!

Post by australopith » Wed Aug 12, 2015 10:35 pm

--Battery-- wrote:i read the two first chapters [of "Contessa: Vampire Hunter"].
Please do read the rest when you have the time... Propman and I think you'll enjoy it!
[Contessa] reminds me of vampirella, but since i didn't read the original submit i don't know how she looks n_nU
The earlier Contessa stories are:
- Mysteries of the Castle!
- Castle Mysteries: Coup De Grace

Prop and I think Contessa Isabella probably looks an awful lot like Barbara Carrera:

Image

But I can imagine Contessa dressing like Vampirella to battle the vampires. "How perfectly cunning–fooling them by costuming as one of their own... and darling, that ensemble! Greg, Calvin... order it for me! Chop-chop!"
Also i feel any appreciation i might comment is meaningless in comparison others have given since i'm just a neighbour from the image board.
right now i feel i am not even the right person to give comment.
i feel authors get tired of simple feed backs like "nice", "i like it", "fap to that" and at the same time might get the sensation of over flattery, and i wouldn't like any one to believe that.
Just telling us some things you liked and didn't like is good enough–really! (-:
oh, by the way, you did the boom boom wasabi thing right?
that was great!
Yes, and glad you liked it! "Wasabi" was my follow-up to Propman's original, awesome "Boom-Boom Bots" in which you can learn how Boom-Boom first assembled her little gang. "Wasabi" is actually set midway through Prop's original story.
the dominant yet unreliable robot boss woman, oh yes, i want to see her cause trouble, malfunction and see the jew guy (he is jew in my mind) trying to escape imposible mafia odds with no one finding boom boom is just a robot...i wouldn't like you to feel obliged to make a new chapter of it and also the same time i wouldn't like to feel obliged to read it and promote it. but if a new one suddenly appear i would probably silently enjoy it 8)
I'm a Jew, but I didn't consider whether Chad was! I'll have to ask him–if Boom-Boom will let me! (-:

New adventures of Boom-Boom will definitely appear–Propman and I are working on some now! You can even read this teaser by Prop, in which he tells how he recently "met" Boom-Boom again, and she told him about some of her adventures to come.
any way, forgive me for not being the feed you deserve :cry:
Actually, your reply was great!

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Re: Feedback and You!

Post by Propman » Wed Aug 12, 2015 11:19 pm

Battery, thanks a lot for your feedback, we really want our readers to comment and criticize. Just telling us what you liked and disliked helps us immensely. I'm not so proud of my older stories, but I've learned a lot from the feedback - which also means that my original stories aren't that great, and we're considering at least a complete rewrite of original Mysteries of the Castle.

We want the stories to kinda stand on their own, so we're drifting away from gratuitous fap-bait :)

But we'll still have some sexy moments–and malfunctions will happen, especially with lusty and self-destructive Contessa and unpredictable, violent Boom-Boom.

Boom-Boom: "Shoot, Prop–I can predict me! An' too much time around Wormwood has made me just a little less violent lately–except maybe to her. Gotta keep things cool, fool... you'll see how we do."

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Re: Feedback and You!

Post by australopith » Wed Aug 12, 2015 11:26 pm

Propman wrote:Boom-Boom: "Shoot, Prop–I can predict me! An' too much time around Wormwood has made me just a little less violent lately–except maybe to her. Gotta keep things cool, fool... you'll see how we do."
Why am I still kind of uneasy? :D

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Re: Feedback and You!

Post by Brytestar » Fri Oct 30, 2015 12:59 pm

I'm not sure if this feedback thread is still being used. I was hoping for more stories for bedtime reading. (No not scary ones. Yes, Halloween is a day away I get it!)

Now before you say "write your own stories Brytestar!" IF I had time to do it I would. But I don't right now.

I would like you see stories about muscular gynoids (blond) that would give DC heroes like Galatea, Wonder Woman, Power Girl and Supergirl a run for their money. So is anyone up for that? :D
Sometimes you just gotta look at the Bryte side!

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Re: Feedback and You!

Post by darkbutflashy » Fri Oct 30, 2015 4:37 pm

Brytestar wrote:I would like you see stories about muscular gynoids (blond) that would give DC heroes like Galatea, Wonder Woman, Power Girl and Supergirl a run for their money. So is anyone up for that? :D
I'm in favour of powerful fembots/cyborgs, too, but do they absolutely have to be blonde, muscular for you? "Muscular" doesn't give much sense to me when I write about a cyberfemme who just utilizes her hydrolics to slowly push away a tons-heavy obstacle or who is hurling a goon against a wall or who is tightening a bolt with her plain fingers.

About blonde, I always assume powerful+blonde as a kind of disguise. Do you mean it that way? Because it hits my brain a bit when I mix "muscular" into it.
Do you like or dislike my ongoing story Battlemachine Ayako? Leave a comment on the story's discussion pages on the wiki or in that thread. Thank you!

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Re: Feedback and You!

Post by --NightBattery-- » Fri Oct 30, 2015 7:16 pm

hey bry, i am not a writter, but if you write me one of those floating texts box-things about a muscular android i would love to draw something for it.

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Re: Feedback and You!

Post by Brytestar » Tue Nov 03, 2015 10:04 am

Ok Battery I'll attempt to come up with something...

The one clue I can give is the Water Enforcer from the old Hercules Show (With Kevin Sorbo) Got a pic of it somewhere.
Sometimes you just gotta look at the Bryte side!

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Re: Feedback and You!

Post by --NightBattery-- » Tue Nov 03, 2015 5:29 pm

Oh, wow. Ha ha.
I am really going to need direction with that one!
she is something like a golem/elemental thing for what i grasp from the hercules wiki.
Not my type of technology, but it's your call.

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Brytestar
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Re: Feedback and You!

Post by Brytestar » Fri Nov 27, 2015 10:05 am

I'll find the pic of the water enforecr and post that. Stay Tuned.
Sometimes you just gotta look at the Bryte side!

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Re: Feedback and You!

Post by --NightBattery-- » Fri Nov 27, 2015 8:24 pm

Al'right, copy.

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Brytestar
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Re: Feedback and You!

Post by Brytestar » Sat Nov 28, 2015 12:04 pm

Image
Sometimes you just gotta look at the Bryte side!

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Re: Feedback and You!

Post by Saya » Sun Nov 29, 2015 3:29 am

darkbutflashy wrote:
Brytestar wrote:I would like you see stories about muscular gynoids (blond) that would give DC heroes like Galatea, Wonder Woman, Power Girl and Supergirl a run for their money. So is anyone up for that? :D
I'm in favour of powerful fembots/cyborgs, too, but do they absolutely have to be blonde, muscular for you? "Muscular" doesn't give much sense to me when I write about a cyberfemme who just utilizes her hydrolics to slowly push away a tons-heavy obstacle or who is hurling a goon against a wall or who is tightening a bolt with her plain fingers.

About blonde, I always assume powerful+blonde as a kind of disguise. Do you mean it that way? Because it hits my brain a bit when I mix "muscular" into it.
A good excuse for the muscular bit, if you wanted to include that, could be something relating to synthetic musculature. Think the stuff on the Crysis nanosuit, only not made out of alien. Or, hell, designer preference. If the robot in question isn't intended to be obviously so, perhaps that's a design decision made to make her less suspicious overall.
"If the time should ever come when what is now called science, thus familiarized to men, shall be ready to put on, as it were, a form of flesh and blood, the Poet will lend his divine spirit to aid the transfiguration, and will welcome the Being thus produced, as a dear and genuine inmate of the household of man."
- William Wordsworth

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Brytestar
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Re: Feedback and You!

Post by Brytestar » Thu Jan 28, 2016 10:06 am

That's interesting Saya. I'll keep that in mind. I know not everyone is into muscles (and no I am NOT talking about muscle cars/trucks!) Still I'd hope to see a story about it.
Sometimes you just gotta look at the Bryte side!

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Re: Feedback and You!

Post by Esleeper » Fri Apr 01, 2016 6:33 am

I've been waiting for feedback on my fics for some time now. There is a link to them in my signature.

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Re: Feedback and You!

Post by Murotsu » Fri Apr 22, 2016 8:56 pm

Esleeper wrote:I've been waiting for feedback on my fics for some time now. There is a link to them in my signature.
I took a quick look at your story. If I can find more time, I'll read it in its entirety.

If you want honest feed back I can proffer it. I won't generally judge the concept or idea. That'd be wrong. But, there are good and bad ways to write fiction.

You need less exposition, more dialogue. The paragraphs should be broken up into shorter, single topic ones. Some "white" (ie., unused space) on the page isn't a bad thing. Let the characters talk rather than talk for them. Don't explain things, show and describe them to the reader and let the reader draw their own conclusions. Implicit is often better than explicit. Let the reader's imagination work for you rather than blandly tell them in detail what's going on.

Remember, the reader can't smell, taste, feel, what's going on. These are often forgotten senses you can add. With the topic at hand, fembots can have other senses added too and you should let the reader experience them as well.

I hope that helps.

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Re: Feedback and You!

Post by Esleeper » Tue May 03, 2016 11:21 pm

Murotsu wrote:
Esleeper wrote:I've been waiting for feedback on my fics for some time now. There is a link to them in my signature.
I took a quick look at your story. If I can find more time, I'll read it in its entirety.

If you want honest feed back I can proffer it. I won't generally judge the concept or idea. That'd be wrong. But, there are good and bad ways to write fiction.

You need less exposition, more dialogue. The paragraphs should be broken up into shorter, single topic ones. Some "white" (ie., unused space) on the page isn't a bad thing. Let the characters talk rather than talk for them. Don't explain things, show and describe them to the reader and let the reader draw their own conclusions. Implicit is often better than explicit. Let the reader's imagination work for you rather than blandly tell them in detail what's going on.

Remember, the reader can't smell, taste, feel, what's going on. These are often forgotten senses you can add. With the topic at hand, fembots can have other senses added too and you should let the reader experience them as well.

I hope that helps.
Pardom the late reply.

You know, you sound just like my co-writer with aome of those comments, though he's admitted to me he's no expert on "show,don't tell" either. Doesn't help that I seem to struggle to get dialog to seem "natural", rather than forced or scripted. Sometimes I feel like having more dialog might actually backfire on me as a result. As for exposition, suffice to say the community I've written for most has a world building fetish that I ended up getting myself. If there's a way to make it less intrusive, I'd like to know.

I've known that the sensory studd was an issue for a while, but I can never quite seem to fix it. Any pointers or examples I could look at?

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Re: Feedback and You!

Post by Murotsu » Wed May 04, 2016 3:51 pm

My background is all technical and engineering. Creative writing is something I've only picked up in the last few years, mostly to keep from... Well, it's kept me here.

Anyway, at first I did lots of detail and narrative too. It took having it pointed out to me by pros how to fix that. Now I revel in eliminating stuff I included at first. I seek the most streamlined version of the scene I can create. I think carefully about each scene and what my senses (or those of the characters... my non-human characters get ones humans don't have) would be experiencing if I were there. Sights, smells, sounds. The feel of a surface.
Put yourself in your character's place. Try to think "if I were my character, what would I be experiencing in this scene?"

Also, try to storyboard some. Who is your main character? Focus on them. All the other characters are secondary. You can have more than one but remember who is important. If your story is about Thesis then focus on her. If Chares is important don't leave him out. Make sure the scenes revolve around the important characters.

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Re: Feedback and You!

Post by Esleeper » Wed May 04, 2016 10:50 pm

Murotsu wrote:My background is all technical and engineering. Creative writing is something I've only picked up in the last few years, mostly to keep from... Well, it's kept me here.

Anyway, at first I did lots of detail and narrative too. It took having it pointed out to me by pros how to fix that. Now I revel in eliminating stuff I included at first. I seek the most streamlined version of the scene I can create. I think carefully about each scene and what my senses (or those of the characters... my non-human characters get ones humans don't have) would be experiencing if I were there. Sights, smells, sounds. The feel of a surface.
Put yourself in your character's place. Try to think "if I were my character, what would I be experiencing in this scene?"

Also, try to storyboard some. Who is your main character? Focus on them. All the other characters are secondary. You can have more than one but remember who is important. If your story is about Thesis then focus on her. If Chares is important don't leave him out. Make sure the scenes revolve around the important characters.
I try. Complicating matters is that the community I write for most of my work (including what I posted) is rather big on worldbuilding, sometimes to the point of losing track of the story itself. I try to keep the habit under control, but ultimately it just doesn't feel right to me if I skimp on too much detail. Just a personality or cultural quirk on my end I guess, but I'll keep it in mind.

One last thing. Did the smut part of it seem alright to you? Even with several stories under my belt. I always get hung up worrying that I'm not doing it right.

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Re: Feedback and You!

Post by Murotsu » Wed May 04, 2016 11:25 pm

I do more sci-fi than anything else as far as writing goes. Even when you world build, and believe me I have made some incredibly detailed ones... including one I'm planning a story for here because he race fits the genre (imagine organic robots derived from humans... no artificial machine added...), I end up throwing away most of the detail as it isn't relevant to the story. You only need the bits that the characters actually interact with.
Think of it this way: How much of the world do you actually experience on a daily basis? Sure, there's lots of other stuff going on but what's relevant to you is the part you are actually involved with.

As for the smut / porn part, that's something best answered by someone else. I tend to go light on it because the way I see it including graphic sex scenes for the sake of including them holds next to zero interest to me. If it isn't part of the story, doesn't fit the narrative, then there's no point to it unless that's what your personal... whatever... wants. I want to be able to immerse myself in the story, become part of it.

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Re: Feedback and You!

Post by Robo-Admirer » Mon Sep 16, 2019 5:20 pm

Who would be up for giving me constructive criticism for my stories? I'd like your honest opinion and if it's negative, i want to hear it in full. Be brutally honest and don't hold back. I want to improve my writing capabilities, and i need people who won't be afraid to hit me where it hurts.

If anyone's up for this, please private message me!

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Re: Feedback and You!

Post by DollSpace » Thu Sep 26, 2019 10:20 pm

Robo-Admirer wrote:
Mon Sep 16, 2019 5:20 pm
Who would be up for giving me constructive criticism for my stories? I'd like your honest opinion and if it's negative, i want to hear it in full. Be brutally honest and don't hold back. I want to improve my writing capabilities, and i need people who won't be afraid to hit me where it hurts.

If anyone's up for this, please private message me!
I’ll give it a read and see if I can generate some constructive criticism and feedback for you. Send me DM with stories or links and I’ll read ‘em.

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