FCSWC--- HOW TO MAKE FRIENDS

[minkwheel]

SSSSssonovaBITCH!!! I took this overnight security job to help pay for my technical school----but it's SOOOOOOO BOOOOORRRRRING!!!!! ---- NO ONE's been coming to The Edgewood Mall since that Mega Mall opened in Murica County six months ago. This place is a GHOOOOOST TOWWWWWN!!! ---- THE ONLY FRIEND I HAVE OUT HERE IS MY OWN VOICE ECHOING THROUGH THE HAAAALLLLLLSSSSS BECAUSE I CAN YELLLLLLLLLLLL AT THE TOP OF MY LUUUUNGS WITHOUT BUGGING AAAAAAAAAANYONEEEEE!!!!!!!

(yes...that echoes back, but the noise DOES bug someone)

Back by the shadowy dumpsters around by the Donut Hut........my flashlight reveals a figure clumsily getting up from a makeshift mattress of styrofoam containers, and last weeks Sunday news....

DUDE....SHUTUP CAN'TCHA? or at least get me some coffee or day old donuts.... here.....I got my free refill cup right HERE....I don't TAKE nothin' from nobody....free is NICE...

OH...Hey, Jonnie ....didn't see you there....ONE CUPPA JOE and Day old Coco-lesterol special for ya, coming up....
I have the keys to all of the mall's stores, I have the codes to all of the cameras... I NEVER steal from any store..... the stuff they can't sell again....well, let's say....I creatively BORROW now and again.

Here ya go Jonnie..... it's HOT, and NOT SO HOT... but it's something....take care!

THANKS SPARKY.... you're one of the good ones... I gotta keep my strength up for the coming Zombie Apocalypse y'know....

.....Yeah.... that's ME... CHRIS PARKER... MALL GUARDIAN.... I keep the people safe from stale donuts and zombies apparently. Gotta get back to my rounds!

Jonnie's HARMLESS more or less, and he's good to talk to while I'm on the beat....NOTHING HAPPENS HERE!...THE NIGHTS ARE SOOOOO LONG AND BORING!!!! I can spend hours studying or cleaning up the stuff that all the stores leave behind for trash or returned goods..... SO MUCH TECH going to WASTE.....LIVING IN A DISPOSABLE SOCIETY....no one realizes that it all takes up space, things they chuck away for the next new gadget...they just don't POOF AWAY..... No real friends to pal around with out here............no.....REAL FRIENDS........................ (Chris looks over at the dumpster by Sears (where America shops) ----he spies a a slightly damaged mannequin, broken digital cameras, and last month's phones that EVERYONE HAD TO HAVE...LAST MONTH....just going to be thrown away........) ----I have no REAL FRIENDS........................BUT I......HAVE TIME.........................TO......MAKE. ONE.

Yeah!!!! YEEAAAAAH!!!! I CAN DO THAT!!!!! I'll be working, studying my tech....and CREATING ALL AT THE SAME TIME!!!! ---WORK'S GOING TO BE FUUUUUN!!!! I can shut off security cameras when I need to, get into WHATEVER STORE's trash or returned stuff that I need...................and as long as my work STAYS IN THE MALL.................I'M NOT TECHNICALLY STEALING.....!!!! OH MAN!!!! I GOTTA GET TO WORK ON THIS....I'M SOOOOO JUICED!!!!

Yup..... Chris DID patrol his job, AND scout places like Home Cheapo, Hot Chix, Dullards, RadioBungalow.... all of the Edgewood Mall's stores to begin creating a friend...............weeks, months went by... some successes, some failures, trials, errors, more trials, more errors....but it never slowed him down.....Chris Parker WAS going to create his best friend..........out of a scratched up mannequin, several computers, including Apple, because what he's doing isn't TOTALLY PC..........and then..... one Friday evening at 2ish am....

Damn........WHAT AM I DOING? ----IS THIS ALL FOR NOTHING? --- I'M ACTING LIKE A TOTAL SPAZ ........getting almost as crazy as Jonnie is....... throwing things together, charging batteries, teching out a store dummy -------WHY WOULD I THINK THIS COULD EVER WOOORRRRK??? ---I'M TRYING TO BREATHE LIFE INTO A SCRATCHED AND NICK-y Sears store mannequin to be my FRIEND????

Chris shoves his creation a bit out of frustration......but in doing so....something must have clicked................it MUST have........... a whirrrr ...a hummmmm..... oh GOD.... she moved a bit..... HOLY SHIT!!!!!.........and a faint repeat of the first words "SHE......HEARD" ......

............................Nicky Sears------------Friend................

Chris has wide eyes, and an even wider open mouth......OH.......the things I have to teach and show you..................Holy COW......Nicky Sears.......this is amazing.....this is.....

This is....JONNIE RUNNING WITH A SHOVEL..... ZOMBIE APOCOLYYYYYYPSE !!!!!!! GOTTA KILL THAT THIIIINGGGG!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!