The BRYTESTAR FILES - BACK TO THE BUFFYVERSE?

[Brytestar]

((It's been awhile since I actually posted on FC. So for more of the funny side of Jake Brytestar....))


JAKE: Interesting trip lots of potential for that world. Its a shame that most people claim I worn out our welcome.

(Jake is all by himself.....suddenly some twitching zombie cheerleaders appear all around him.)

JAKE: Hey I remember you.....and I left my phaser back on Star Trek world!

ZOMBABE: Destroy....

JAKE: Yadda (repeats two more times)

(As the group close in on the traveling paladin. Jake finds his light sabers)

JAKE: Oh I forgot.....now ladies shall we dance?

(While the zombabes did ballet Jake went with the slicing and dicing.)

JAKE: I still got it! Maybe the trip to Small Wonder world did real wonders in more ways then one.

ZOMBABE: .......

JAKE: Sorry hun you look like something that Hump would build. Anyone seen Buffybot?

ZOMBABE: ..........

JAKE: No? Blast I was hoping to renew ties well I guess she must on a mission somewhere. Well where ever she is I hope she is slicing and dicing some messed up robozombies.

(Will Buffybot return? Will there but another Brytestar File? Find out soon!)

[minkwheel]

THE REALLY REAL BUFFYBOT, FOR REALS! NO DIMESTORE PHONY>>>>>>> HEL-LO! I AM BUFFYBOT--YES, THAT IS ME! ---I hear that Jake Brytestar wants to see me back in action in a new STORY.....That's EFFEN SUPERCOOL and all.... but he fails to realize that I STILL REMEMBER THAT IN ONE OF OUR LAST MADVENTURES, he tried to CONTROL MY ACTIONS and that simply WON'T DO for a professional ACTRESSSSS like myself. By ACTRESS, I mean that I AAAAACT in plays, or movies, or television shows.......by PROFESSIONALLLLLL...I mean that I am PAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIDDDDDDD to perform said ACTING despite how cornball the script is.......we have STANDARDS, people! So, I have TWO WORDS for Mr. BRYTESTAR..... THE FIRST is 'CASHIER'S" .....the next word is 'CHECK" ....make it out to my good buddy 'CASH" .....or my NEXT two words to you will be 'FUCK" and 'YOU" ......

JAKE BRYTESTAR>>>>>>>>Oh......BUT OF COURSE!!! A HACKTRESS of your calibre NEEDS to be PAID....I have a check made out right HERE, BUFFYBOT.......there ya go!

BUFFYBOT SNAGS THE CHECK>>>>>>>>>>>>>MMMMMMMMMMMMmmmmmmmmmMONNNAAAYYYYY! MomeyMoneyMoneyMoneyMMMMMMMMONNNNNNAYYYYYY!!!!! Okay.... I'll ACT in your story! ---but KEEP YOUR HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE 'EM!!!

JAKE BRYTESTAR>>>>>>On your BREASTS ???

BUFFYBOT>>>>>>Keep talking like THAT, and I'll GIFTWRAP YOUR ASS and SEND IT TO ELTON JOHN as a NEW HAT.

JAKE---STILL WITH ASS INTACT>>>>>>>> OOooooKAY!!!!! -----ummmmmBUFFYBOT'S BACK, PEOPLE!!! --------note to self.....I've GOTTA get this story done before the CHECK BOUNCES ........I'm gonna NEED my ASS.....

[Baron]

THE REALLY REAL BUFFYBOT, FOR REALS! NO DIMESTORE PHONY>>>>>>> HEL-LO! I AM BUFFYBOT--YES, THAT IS ME! ---I hear that Jake Brytestar wants to see me back in action in a new STORY.....That's EFFEN SUPERCOOL and all.... but he fails to realize that I STILL REMEMBER THAT IN ONE OF OUR LAST MADVENTURES, he tried to CONTROL MY ACTIONS and that simply WON'T DO for a professional ACTRESSSSS like myself. By ACTRESS, I mean that I AAAAACT in plays, or movies, or television shows.......by PROFESSIONALLLLLL...I mean that I am PAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIDDDDDDD to perform said ACTING despite how cornball the script is.......we have STANDARDS, people! So, I have TWO WORDS for Mr. BRYTESTAR..... THE FIRST is 'CASHIER'S" .....the next word is 'CHECK" ....make it out to my good buddy 'CASH" .....or my NEXT two words to you will be 'FUCK" and 'YOU" ......

JAKE BRYTESTAR>>>>>>>>Oh......BUT OF COURSE!!! A HACKTRESS of your calibre NEEDS to be PAID....I have a check made out right HERE, BUFFYBOT.......there ya go!

BUFFYBOT SNAGS THE CHECK>>>>>>>>>>>>>MMMMMMMMMMMMmmmmmmmmmMONNNAAAYYYYY! MomeyMoneyMoneyMoneyMMMMMMMMONNNNNNAYYYYYY!!!!! Okay.... I'll ACT in your story! ---but KEEP YOUR HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE 'EM!!!

JAKE BRYTESTAR>>>>>>On your BREASTS ???

BUFFYBOT>>>>>>Keep talking like THAT, and I'll GIFTWRAP YOUR ASS and SEND IT TO ELTON JOHN as a NEW HAT.

JAKE---STILL WITH ASS INTACT>>>>>>>> OOooooKAY!!!!! -----ummmmmBUFFYBOT'S BACK, PEOPLE!!! --------note to self.....I've GOTTA get this story done before the CHECK BOUNCES ........I'm gonna NEED my ASS.....

MINK!!

Great ta see ya again, Old Boy. The joint just ain't the same when you're on hiatus.
Inspektor 12 sends his warm regards, and wants me to let you know that there's a bit of a problem with the new FembotFormerlyKnownAsStepfordMary prototype. Seems Rosie picked her up hitch-hiking last week and nearly had a nervous breakdown trying to get FFKASM to understand that the proper signal for a ride is a raised THUMB, and not a raised middle FINGER.

Carry on, Russel...........

[minkwheel]

THANK YOU THANK YOU Sir!!! --- I've been away from writing so LONG! --I HAD SEVERAL IDEAS to run with, and some have already cropped up in other people's stories, and I don't really want to seem like I'm piggybacking.... I AM planning to have Buffybot and Stepford Mary make a pseudo cameo in a future episode of TALES OF THE UNTOLD TALES of THE A-MEN ... Since Buffybot got to see HER kid a while back, it's time for Mary to meet Greenlee in a not so permanent way. I also want to bring in a character to challenge CIEPHER .... I'll call her 'CYREN" because I want her to be mysterious in a 'IS SHE A HERO OR A BAD GIRL" sort of way.....first though, maybe a one shot story mixing one of my favorite British shows, with some classic fembots we like..... From CBBCBBC AMERICA .... TOP GEARS........ yeah, I know............ but I have to go for puns.

[Brytestar]

I'm glad to se Minkwheel back as well. Considering what I have been thru I thank Minkwheel for returning at the right time. (More of this episode to come so stay tuned!)

[minkwheel]

BUFFYBOT--THE REALLY REAL ONE for REALS, REALLY>>>>>oh....and she's really PISSED for REAL>>>>>>>>> HELL-LO...I'M BUFFYBOT...YES, that is ME.......and I am PISSED, really FOR REAL!!! ---Jake told us to STAY TUNED.... I DID........even got his CHECK...............which BOUNCED......but not as far as JAKE is going to bounce after I get a hold of him for making my HOLIDAY Cash FREE.........I'VE BEEN STAYING TUNED watching things like HOW THE GRINCH STOLE AN X BOX.....I seem to remember it being a bit DIFFERENT when I was YOUNGER.
-------it IS the CHRISTMAS SEASON, and after all of this time waiting, I had time to think and reflect on what the season means, and about some of the odd things that surround the celebration..... THE FACT THAT MANY FOLKS SAY THAT JESUS WAS BORN IN THE MIDDLE OF AUGUST kinda ruins most of the whole mythos for me.... and WHY are DIMWITTED KINGS bringing GOLD, FRANKENSENSE and MUURH to a BABY??? ---- AT LEAST GIVE THE KID A DIAPER MADE OUT OF HAY or something he can use!!!

ONE TRADITION that I love is all of the YUMMY FOOD that everyone fusses over for the HOLIDAY.................GIMME SOME OF THAT!!! ----COOKIES AND MORE COOKIES.... ROAST BEAST, ALL OF IT........JUST PILE IT HERE!!! ---I'LL BE WAITING FOR JAKE TO SHOW UP, AND I MAY AS WELL BE FED, BEFORE HE'S DED. Suffice it to say... right now.... THE ONLY BRYTESTAR I want to find is the CHRISTMAS STAR. Yes... I said CHRISTMAS, WAL MART..........SUE ME.

TO EVERYONE THAT TOLERATES MY POSTS .......CHEERS! HAPPY DAYS! GOOD TIMES! -and LAVERNE AND SHIRLEY EVERYONE.

[Brytestar]

JAKE <SAY WHAT?> : What check that got bounced....No wonder that check is made of rubber. That's ok it's nice to have Buffybot back in the ballgame after all this time.

BUFFYBOT <STILL IN GRUMPY MODE> : ......

JAKE <UM> : While I get to do some processor realignment stay tuned for another episode and Merry Christmas to all!!!

-------

Thanks Minkwheel.

[minkwheel]

BUFFYBOT...REALLY PISSED, REALLY>>>>>>>>THERE HE IS!!! THE GREAT PUMPKIN!!! YOU'D BETER CALL HERMIE THE ELF, Buddy----YOUR TEEFUS are about to be KNOCKED OUT ALL OVER THE FLOOR!!! Buffybot tries to get out of her comfy chair....but ............... OOOFFF!!!---oh OOFTAH!!! I'VE EATEN TOO MANY CHRISTMAS COOKIES and I can't get out of my comfy CHAIR!!! GEDyoASS BACK HERE JAKE BRYTESTAR!!!----I'M GONNA HANG YOUR CHRISTMAS STOCKINGS....WITH YOUR FEET STILL IN 'EM!!!

Jake sees a rare opportunity........he can either steal some Christmas goodies, give Buffybot a CHRISTMAS GOOSE, or well... option Number THREE....

JAKEY B>>>>>>>> RUN AWAAAAAAYYYY RUN AWAAAAAAYYYYY! ----in pure Monty Pythonesque fashion......---but comes back into the scene to grab a bigass brownie.

JAKEY B>>>>>>>>>YOINK!!! ----and he VANISHES......cheap video trick, or he may have Bilbo's ring or something. Knowing when to quit, Jake hightails it out of the scene even though he's invisible ...and he COULD'VE given Buffybot that CHRISTMAS GOOSE.......Jake realized that the FLOATING BROWNIE would've given his location away...... Smart man.

[Baron]

Christmas food!!!

I still have fond memories of the FFKASM's home-made CAN-oli's.
Rich in iron and zinc, they was..........

[minkwheel]

Mary's heart and spirit of giving were always there, but her talent in the kitchen has been passed to her daughter Greenlee.... I'm very glad that you remember FFKASM's CAN-oli's .... but I'm sure that you haven't tried her GINGERBREAD MEN cookies........ those were slices of toast cut into Mr. Bill looking men with a cookie cutter.... and soaked with GIN........... OR her FIGGY PUDDING.......GREENLEE couldn't find any FIGS, so she used something that sounded similar.... in Britain, she used a packet of FAGS in the mix. FILTERED of course.. she CARES for everyone's health FAGGY PUDDING was served to THE A MEN this week......Ciepher had a COW........and putting it delicately .... I didn't even know she was PREGNANT.

(Okay...I know that if I have to explain the joke, it should be rewritten or omitted, but IT'S EARLY....FAGS are British slang for CIGARETTES)