Cyber Angels - Part One

maax · Post by **maax** » Sat Jul 14, 2007 6:49 am

I've been working on the following story idea for a bit, and finally got around to getting the first part down. Comments welcome.

MAAX

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CYBER ANGELS — PART ONE

NeoToronto rises from Lake Ontario, a gleaming landscape of crystalline towers grown with water and science. The cityscape exists hundreds of feet above the water, supported by massive pillars of calcified stone. Considered one of the most advanced cities in the world NeoToronto is the pride of Canada.
But even a city as advanced as NTO requires support, and the nearby shoreline is dotted with massive factories that produce all the necessities of life. The most notable of these factories are the Reclamation Plants, warehouse-like facilities stretching over a kilometer in any direction. Within these cavernous buildings, the mass detritus of tens of millions is deposited for the Reclamation Robots. These towering behemoths move through the waste, rendering each piece into its components, storing the raw materials in silos for transit to other factories.
But beneath one such Plant is another, darker facility. Light is not natural within its concrete walls, the automated machinery needing only their exacting programs to carry out their work. The silos above are siphoned for silicates, metals and plastics, all carefully mixed with each other to produce specific parts.
Robotic arms assemble the parts into pieces, which are then combined into humanoid frames. Latex polymers are cooled in molds to produce synthskin nearly indistinguishable from the real thing. Silicon and precious metals form complex circuit boards, allowing the artificial females to think and move. A dozen different face molds allow a semblance of individuality, as does several score of hair styles and colors.
Above the factory floor a glassed in room is easily visible from the plant floor. Lit from within from dozens of different monitors, some security cameras, other TV feeds and the rest technical reports from the factory. Sitting in a chair in the middle of the room, a woman with long white hair watches the screens with passing interest. Dressed only in a Lab Coat and stockings, she moans lightly as the attention of the head between her legs. The androids tongue skillfully plays over her folds as she turns her attention to one particular news article.
“And our top story today, another assault by a MechaDemoness and her Hollows rages through Old Town. The target of the cybernetic monster appeared to be a Laser Communications Factory. The plans of the beast were thwarted by the arrival of the Cyber Angels. Our footage here shows the Red and Green armored Heroines battling the Demon’s android minions, but having to call in their Avatars to deal with the Demon itself, who had absorbed several large lasers and converted them into weapons. Both Avatars took a severe beating from the Laser Demon, but in the end the Cyber Angels persevered. But once again the Blue Angel did not appear, leading many to wonder what has become of the missing hero?”
The question coincided with the climax of the seated woman. Reaching down, she lifted the face of her playmate. Wires trailed from both the open skull and empty neck of the android head. The woman’s grin was far more wicked than the obedient smile on the blue eyed face. As she held the head like Horatio’s skull, the Mistress of the Factory mused.
“Yes, just what HAS become of you, my pretty toy?”

Too Be Continued...

maax · Post by **maax** » Sat Jul 14, 2007 8:02 pm

111 viewings, no comments... Do people actually want me to write more? I know there isn't much so far, but was hoping for some response.

WilloWisp · Post by **WilloWisp** » Sat Jul 14, 2007 8:19 pm

Yes, more would be appreciated. Also, if you have another part in the "Maintenance Work" series, post that.

Nathan · Post by **Nathan** » Sat Jul 14, 2007 8:25 pm

^_^; sorry i'm late to say something, but to me this feels like a prolouge, a short one at that. It mostly gives a setup, But hardly identifies any major or minor characters. My advice would be to give more backstory to your world. Intro your android heroines to us, give us a reason to epathize with them. And is the Factory Mistress the villainess of the story? Those are the things you should work on. I hate to be blunt like this, trust me i get it alot as a Graphic Designer. Those changes would help to better deliver your intended story.

Nathan

ProchazkaJBG · Post by **ProchazkaJBG** » Sat Jul 14, 2007 8:48 pm

just a question, where did you get the "neo" thing from?

maax · Post by **maax** » Sat Jul 14, 2007 9:06 pm

I do appreciate it's a very short prologue. I have a hard time getting things down 'on paper'. I've actually got the next 6 or so Parts worked out, but need to get them down.

As for the question about the "Neo" bit. If you're referring to the name NeoToronto, I was just borrowing from the Japanese Animated tradition of 'NeoTokyo' etc. If you're wondering about the Crystal Construction, from what I've seen and heard, many 'Neo' cities were crystaline, though using water converted into crystal is my own idea.

minkwheel · Post by **minkwheel** » Sun Jul 15, 2007 10:55 am

Cool setup so far...I just hope that people won't think that I'm sort of COPYING YOU when I start writing the next step in BUFFYBOT stories... SANS BUFFYBOT--but featuring her kid and the super team she works with ...I'll be doing the same sort of bad gags and such...just different SUPER characters to get into different situations...TALES OF THE UNTOLD TALES OF THE A-MEN .....at least that's what it's called now.... I just wanted to do a cyber satire of X MEN/LEGION/TEEN TITANS, et al. I certainly do not want to seem like I'm stepping on TOES here. --minkwheel

maax · Post by **maax** » Sun Jul 15, 2007 7:46 pm

Well, Mine is Charlies Angels/Power Rangers. So they'll be different enough I imagine.

Cyber Angels - Part One

Cyber Angels - Part One

Thanks for the Replies