Yeah, I'm still jaded. And cynical. And after recently screening the subjects of this installment, I'm also a bit less optimistic about what the future may hold, in terms of indie-film-making.
Perhaps I'm spoiled, in the wake of 2040 - but even that one actually falls a bit short in more than a few areas. However, the former is an enigma; a porno flick with "A-feature" aspirations. Our subject matter here is more "mainstream" indie-fare; although Chrome Angels had a fraction of the budget of Surrogates, both are pretty much Grade-D {or worse} through and through.
No matter; both are pretty elaborate shaggy-dog stories with some window-dressing, designed to make tha average viewer think "new idea;" when in actuality both are simple re-treads of established {and clich`ed, AND tired} themes that weren't new 30 years ago..........
I'll get to the dissection of Surrogates in a bit; Chrome Angels comes first for one, and only one reason - the delightful Eliza Swenson, queen of the "badass-bitch C-flick, straight-to-DVD" genre of late. Although she's a pretty pale carbon of a couple other, infinitely more talented Elizas, Ms. Swenson nonetheless steals what "show" there is here in this shoddy exercise, which don't say much for the nominal "headliners" of this dreck.
The plot is simple - a disgruntled scientific genius gets pissed off at the world, and plots to blow it up, aided by lots of stolen plutonium, and more than a few robots to deliver it when the time comes. Just to make things interesting, an all-female biker gang gets mixed up in the plot when they stumble into the town where the robots are being readied and dispersed into society at large. The Evil Genius is having none of this, and quickly duplicates three of the biker-babes {including Eliza} for infiltration purposes; nothing will thwart his plans, do you hear????
Except for: the geek assistant who switches sides when his manhood is sapped by one of the biker-babes and betrays the Evil Genius; two obligatory modern-day Abbott & Costello types to help the girls; and the three duplicate biker-babes {including Eliza} who are re-programmed to go against the Evil Genius, shoot shit up, and otherwise zoom around aimlessly on their hogs. In the end, the Evil Genius and his plan are thwarted, and the three duplicate biker-babes {including Eliza} are adopted by the remaining gang, since the three originals {including Eliza} were killed somewhat earlier in the film.
If you think this plot is the neatest thing since "Robo, er, Cyber C.H.I.C.," well good eye - save for the sex of the biker gang, and two of the three featured female robots {including Eliza}, it IS Robo, er, Cyber - you get the point. And it has about as much robotic content as RC, too; the best highlight being Eliza's wonderful but brief activation-scene. Here's a tip though; the screencaps of that scene which are on Fembot Wiki in the "unsorted" gallery are better than the film itself. In the film proper, Eliza and the others' eyes are "FX-ed out" during activation, glowing blue-white - and ruining the lovely blank look she favors the camera with in the stills {and trailer}...............
Okay, Bruce Willis starring in an adaptation of a graphic novel ought to be a little better, right? Well, for me it wasn't. In fact it was downright boring; Brucie was basically phoning it in - he didn't even kill a helicopter with a taxi - and his "surry" gave me such a Jeffrey Jones vibe I was half afraid either Matthew Broderick or Pee Wee Herman were going to turn up in a cameo..........
The plot here is also simple - someone has found a way to kill people through the "surrogates" they operate, which in turn threatens a whole way of life, what with humanity mostly living vicariously though the robotic surrogates, and largely dependent on them. Bruce tries to stop this electronic Rapture, but fails - which has the effect of liberating humanity from their surry-dependence.
As mentioned earlier, this one was adapted from the graphic novel of the same name - rather loosely, some would say. I'll take it one step further - the basic thread of this tale stems from a failed project by The Who's Pete Townshend called Lifehouse, which deals with a future dystopia of people living in "experience suits" until they are freed by a Guru-type who doesn't believe in pre-programmed anything. Sound familiar? Pete started work on Lifehouse in 1970 - and it still isn't finished!!
Like Chrome Angels, Surrogates has little to offer gynophiles, save for selected vignettes which all can be seen in the trailers for the film. Which is what I'd recommend viewing, unless you absolutely have to waste eighty-odd minutes of your life on a story that just don't do the do all that well. Neither film is all that memorable from a gynophile's POV, but Liz Swenson's un-FX'd blank look rates right up there with Westworld's Elevator Girl, IMHO. Too bad she didn't work it for all it was worth. Finally, both flicks are readily available online - could this mark the beginning of the end for DVD's??? If they keep cranking out crap like these two, I sure as hell HOPE SO!!!!
