Categories of Malfunctioning

GalianaChance · Post by **GalianaChance** » Fri Jan 28, 2011 10:24 am

Hey gang! I'm trying to improve my ability to have amazing malfunctioning sequences when I'm on the phone with ASFR phone sex callers, and I could use your brainstorming assistance!

I did a few malfunction things in my voice sample, but for example, I didn't reboot / restart anything.

Here are the things I've come up with so far... what am I missing? What can you clarify? Can you give me examples of what you've seen or loved?

* Distorted speech
-- slowing down
-- speeding up
-- pitch lowering
-- pitch raising

* Garbling speech (not distorted, but not recognizable English words)

* Saying things clearly, but what I'm saying makes no sense (word switching, interjecting nonsensical phrases)

* Stuttering

* Stating that I'm malfunctioning, which may or may not include announcement of specific malfunction diagnostic - help me build a list "Malfunction" "Error" "Does not compute" "System crash is imminent"...?

* Rebooting / restarting (either specific components like "emotional programming" or completely rebooting) - I especially need help with this - what kinds of things do you like to hear announced upon start up? Manufacturer, model number...?

* Non-speech sounds (as close as I can get) like zzzzt - please help me with ideas here, or links to sound files or video if you have an example of someone doing a great artificial sound

* Sentient Responses: either I know I'm malfunctioning or I don't... and if I know, either I'm panicking (don't send me to the scrap heap) or I don't care... and after rebooting, either I remember or I don't... am I missing options?

THANK YOU TONS!!!

General · Post by **General** » Fri Jan 28, 2011 11:36 am

I must admit that I've never tried phone sex, so I'm not sure how well things will translate over a phone line, but here's my $0.02:

1. Repeating phrases can work well. It's very related to stuttering but at a lower frequency. Perhaps something like, "Of course Master, I am programmed to serve...programmed to serve...programmed to serve."

2. Some possible error messages:
a. Warning unable to access memory location 0x4959234
b. Memory buffer overflow
c. Hardware driver crash in system: Nipple sensory input (or whatever other system is 'in use')
d. Battery approaching critical power levels
e. Illegal operation by program Fellatio #42 (or any other program running)
f. you could also break into another language if you know one.

3. For a booting message, I would state the manufacturer, maybe a model number, and possibly a purpose. For instance, "Allied Industries 3515 series, model A71215, system boot in progress. Loading personality module." This also gives the caller an opportunity to cancel the personality load if they want. You can also list any major malfunctions here. "Warning, primary personality module corrupted." or "Drivers not found for hardware X"

4. For the sentient responses she could either be afraid (i don't care for this personally though) or she could apologize. She could also complete ignore it or possibly this could be a lead in to see if the operator would like to help 'repair' her.

If you have any other questions let me know.

GalianaChance · Post by **GalianaChance** » Fri Jan 28, 2011 1:24 pm

General, you're the man! Ummmm, no, wait, I mean... You're the bot! Thank you!

Yes, please EXACTLY like this is what I want. the specifics of "X system input sensor" and "Illegal operation" made me all happy happy happy. Yummy crunchy data - so tasty!

I hope others to pitch in, too, with more ideas / specifics / examples.

Oh, and I edited the original thread to ask what other non-human-ish sounds I can while other than the zzzzzt.

L.W. · Post by **L.W.** » Fri Jan 28, 2011 3:15 pm

Some off the top of my head, I am not sure how the will play over the phone.

Vocal Malfunctions:

“Mad-Lib” Malfunction.
Taking a sentence and replacing a word with a description of what the word should be, usually in an emotionless or monotone manner while the rest of the sentence is said in a normal voice. EX. “I love you… owners name…” “What a beautiful… object name… did it cost a lot of… insert local currency…?”

Loop/Broken Record.
A word or short phrase is repeated until fixed or further malfunction causes it to stop, usually in emotionless or monotone.

Repeated Word.
In a sentence, a word or short phrase is repeated a few times, but android quickly returns to normal. EX. “I am not a robot… robot… robot… you silly, I’m a real… real girl.”

Physical Malfunctions.

Twitch/Tick.
A motion of the body in an unnatural way. The classic is the head jerking to the left or right.

Continued Motion.
The robot continues a motion even though it is no longer needed or appropriate. Such as repeatedly walking into walls, continuing the motion of walking even though they have fallen down, continuing to move as if having sex even though the partner has moved off.

Panel opening.
A panel or access point opens at an inopportune time without the command to do so. Such as a stomach panel opening during sex or other wet activity exposing the circuits to dangerous moisture, or a face plate coming off. The android may or may not realize what happened or the danger to it because of this.

Limb loss.
Like Panel opening but a limb comes off, maybe even the head.

Excess Fluid.
A pump goes bad and pumps excess fluid from whatever orifice is desired. EX. A burst or repeated bursts of fluids from the mouth, eyes, nipples, vaginal, or anal openings. A constant but unnatural flow of liquid in excess of normal, such as not just getting wet when sexually excited, but to have small streams of lubricant flowing down legs or out of nipples.

Jerking/Convulsing.
Usually an end stage malfunction, the androids body jerks or convulses uncontrollably until shut down or burn out of android.

Sound Effects.

These could be placed on a nearby computer so you could play them once you find sound files you like.

Winding of a clock for wind up dolls, any cheap wind up alarm clock or music box will do.
http://new.wavlist.com/soundfx/020/clock-winding1.wav

High pitched wind up or down sound like noisy hard drives make.
http://www.wavlist.com/soundfx/018/apli ... tioner.wav
http://www.wavlist.com/soundfx/031/airp-start.wav
http://soundbible.com/1361-Dying-Robot.html

Spark/Short Circuit
http://soundbible.com/1320-Short-Circuit.html
http://soundbible.com/1308-Fizzle.html
http://soundbible.com/1054-Frying-Circuits.html

Various opening sounds for panels.
http://soundbible.com/1427-Small-Electrical-Motor.html

Various beeps and other computer sounds

GalianaChance · Post by **GalianaChance** » Fri Jan 28, 2011 4:33 pm

L.W.: The MadLib function KILLS me. Cannot wipe the grin off my face. I seriously can't wait to hit someone with that. Awesome.

And new methods of malfunctioning are helpful when I'm co-writing the plot (or having to choose when I'm just "something happens to make you malfunction").

And the sounds! What a treasure! I know that doesn't work for some people because it interrupts the flow, but at least now I can offer!

Everyone else (British street urchin voice): Please, Sir, may I have a little more?

(and yes, if you ask the people who I role play with, I do actually get all ridiculous and girly and excited - I went "squee" the other day over how well an android group sex scene had ended, and I think just about broke his eardrums, although he was nice enough to just laugh at me...)

GalianaChance · Post by **GalianaChance** » Fri Jan 28, 2011 6:55 pm

Robotman: Oh, my, goodness, if malfunctions can generate random activities...

indeed!! I can think of about a dozen devious uses for that particular piece of information!

Frostillicus · Post by **Frostillicus** » Fri Jan 28, 2011 7:35 pm

Some jerk did this looping animated photoshop a while back. Probably not everyone's cup 'o tea, but he only had text to speech and a hacked Cool Edit to work with for the voice:
http://www.fembotwiki.com/index.php?tit ... nicalities

This might offer some good gibberish type speech. Personally I think it's cool when the fembot says stuff that doesn't quite fit the situation but isn't totally incomprehensible. Hope this helps.

Oh, and thanks for the SoundBible site suggestions, L.W. !

GalianaChance · Post by **GalianaChance** » Fri Jan 28, 2011 7:42 pm

Frostillicus: That's perfect! Thank you! I couldn't look at the visuals without getting dizzy, but the voice was great! And yes, that does demonstrated the sudden injection of the nonsensical - thank you!

KingJeremy · Post by **KingJeremy** » Fri Jan 28, 2011 8:06 pm

I love that jerks work, if I haven't mentioned it before.

KingJeremy · Post by **KingJeremy** » Fri Jan 28, 2011 8:08 pm

[quote=

I also had a very pleasant surprise from Kaitlin who used to be on NiteFlirt. I gave her an order to pick up a vibrator, and she said "Yes Master. Removing facemask."

So following a command and getting the instruction wrong can be ultra hot too.

[/quote]

Also, all kinds of THAT!

10 points to Gryffindor for the Kaitlin reference as well.

please forgive the hatchet quote job

Frostillicus · Post by **Frostillicus** » Sat Jan 29, 2011 10:44 am

"Hail to the king, Baby" -- Ash. Housewares.

And I'm glad that was useful to you, Galiana. It's always good when someone is expanding and perfecting their craft.

WilloWisp · Post by **WilloWisp** » Sat Jan 29, 2011 10:50 am

One of the malfunction types I've personally got a weak spot for, and which I've seen a lot of interest in through the writing styles of some of the more popular authors here: Perceptual malfunctions.

These are malfunctions (or reprogrammed changes) in a fembot's fundamental perception of the world around her. She might be oblivious to the fact that she's doing something sexual in a normal social situation. She might carry on a normal dinner conversation, then skip a track and think it's time to take a shower. She might (correctly) resist the commands of someone who isn't her owner, then get reprogrammed and cheerfully accept his commands.

Granted, this is the kind of thing which comes down more to the writing than the performance, but I still felt it should be listed.

dale coba · Post by **dale coba** » Sat Jan 29, 2011 11:30 am

GalianaChance wrote: * Distorted speech

I know iPhone apps are available to alter one's voice over calls.
I'll bet an app exists to enable all sorts of distortions you might dream up.

- if you do use speed-altering, pitch-preserving: speak even slower or faster than you want, then adjust that back towards normal. Your meter will seem very artificial.

- respond to imaginary people.

- make up phrases or compound words. sprinkle in naughty words. "Phillips cock-driver" would be understood as a "real" error. Don't notice, or acknowledge, the error. You're perfect, why acknowledge error?

* Stating that I'm malfunctioning

Deny every stage of the failure aloud, in relatively calm manner, inappropriately for a human.

"I'm certainly not malfunctioning.
There has never been, nor ever will be, a fatal error at address 0x24d333a3cdefgggggg. *
They say there's going to be an emergency shut-down in 11 10 9 8 7... but I'll believe thaaat whennn iiiiiiiiiiiii..."
*[note: proper hexadecimal = no letters above "F".]

- denying a fact on the grounds that "(Good girls/secretaries/cousins) don't do that, and I'm a perfect X. Therefore, the fact isn't true. Also, I am not a robot."

- referring to yourself in the third person, as an example of a class: a "true Stepford Wife" or an "ideal babysitter".

* Non-speech sounds

Gang? Anybody have sound clips from Bionic Woman and the Fembots on hand? There's a C.P.U./mainframe sound or two, and the sound of bionics being used. More, I'm sure.

* Sentient Responses: either I know I'm malfunctioning or I don't...

When malfunctioning, you are a machine capable of both knowing & not knowing.

- You can not believe your memories are fake.
- add a malfunction, in recounting a dear memory, attempting to prove your humanity to yourself.
---In denial, you prattle on in a dazed, sing-song fashion about that time you... (and you pick an innocent anecdote from her at age 18ish)... but in the telling, the story is corrupted, by pornographic details which clearly did not happen. But it seems normal to you (and fondly /squee), in the telling.
- "And that's why I can't possibly...possibly be a robot. You call (porn star, historical figure,...), she was there, she'll tell you. And ask her if she ever got the smell/taste of my xxxxx out of her xxxxx."

Logical mistakes: in the RW and on cable news, I find a careful ear will spot many times when people carelessly use an opposite word than they intend - but we knew what they meant, we're polite, we're not paying too close attention, etc. Humans fill in the gaps. But a robot bimbo can believe anything, and hold firm to her program no matter what evidence appears. She doesn't have to get sad or angry, just not let it register.

He: "X means you are wrong."
She: "Exactly. That's why... (crazy or sexual non sequitur)"

He: (trying to get it through to her) "Look, I've opened your abdominal panel."
She: "You have the sweetest fantasies. Okay, I'll pretend I'm a real girl.(gets it all reversed)
[either normal or flat, but staccato delivery] I-am-a-human-lady-female-girl. I-was-designed-by-my-parents-to-be-a-mindless-automaton. Every-day-at-school-I-was-disassembled-and-fondled-by-the-other-real-girls. No, honestly I'm a robot. I have been, for as long as I can remember. One day, I just looked at myself naked in front of a full-length mirror, and suddenly realized was a perfect machine, serial #6345, model Cyndi; and that my Owner would arrive in 83 seconds to find me, frozen in place and configured according to his specifications. That's when I knew that, when I grow up, I want to be a sex object."

A perky, unbothered demonstration of limited programming is cute.
Clearly less self aware than an A.I., or a human.

- Dale Coba

GalianaChance · Post by **GalianaChance** » Sat Jan 29, 2011 2:35 pm

KingJeremy: I think you're just missing one "]" character ... and I love this idea from RM of just randomly following the wrong command SO much. I'm sorry Kaitlin isn't around for you guys anymore, it sounds like she was a treasure. But really? You think RM is Gryffindor? I am completely unconvinced of that...

WilloWisp: I agree, it's a great addition to the repertoire, and if it was a role play with someone who wanted things to feel somewhat unscripted, it can be a fantastic surprise. Plus, who wouldn't want their girl getting naked and simulating taking a shower with no water in the living room? Ummm, wow, I'll be on holodeck 3...

dale coba: SO much GREAT stuff - thank you!!

I have an iPhone, and I could arrange to answer a call on it if I knew it would come in handy. SO GREAT. Seriously, so fantastic. Thank you.

I love responding to imaginary people, and to adding historical/imaginary people into my memories. I hadn't thought of that, and yet, it is so elegant and simple, like the surprise command or the surprise shower. Good strong iconic names, like Santa, The Cowardly Lion, Cher...

A script from a caller included the word "Mal-fuck-tion" which I also love.

I had not thought of reverse psychology, but stating that I my human emulation is functioning within expected parameters while I'm removing an arm... would certainly qualify as malfunctioning indeed.

<obnoxious>(and fondly /squee) <--- that's totally my specialty </obnoxious>

Your idea of taking a word choice the wrong way... I am now going to brag again because this was SO MUCH DAMN FUN: one of my favorite ASFR role play moments so far was when I (as a repair fembot) had just undressed another girl android, and the other repair technician (the caller) like it, but he was trying to catch his snap, and he said, "Okay, right, now I want you to... (big exhale)... *fuck*... okay..." and I responded with "Error, cannot comply with command *fuck*. Sexual subroutines are not currently loaded. Would you like me to load sexual subroutines?" I pretty much felt like doing a Rocky sprint up the damn steps of the capital after that.

But I hadn't thought of it as a category of malfunctioning, but it is - or at least a category of artificiality - the inability to catch subtleties of meaning.

I love that scramble-logic-pattern at the end. SO great.

And whew. Good thing perky is good, at least sometimes...

Now if only I can figure out how to remind myself of all these possibilities without losing track of the flow of the conversation... On a call last night (which this totally helped with - many thanks from me and the caller!!), I totally wanted to have built myself a little randomizer, because having a list of all the possibilities was overwhelming, but if I could choose from a random 3... Now my mind is churning. Good thing I have a web site and I can probably build one... I'll let you know if I build a malfunction randomizer as a writing / role play tool. Y'know, after the approx 2.73 bazillion other things I want to do...

GalianaChance · Post by **GalianaChance** » Thu Feb 03, 2011 3:00 pm

Just to follow through here in this thread...

I did do a malfunction randomizer after all. Details are here:
http://www.fembotcentral.com/viewtopic. ... 2056#52056

Categories of Malfunctioning

Categories of Malfunctioning

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