My first attempt in this board

[Sentient6]

Hey guys, I've never tried contributing fiction here before, but I figured I'd give it a shot. I've always been into stories of female cyborgs going about their day and dealing with their mechanical nature, but I can't find a lot of such stories so I decided to start my own. Let me know what you think!





Valerie's view of her dorm room scrambled like an interrupted digital video stream. Sometimes she would dream while deactivated, or at least do the closest thing her brain (can I even call it “my brain” anymore? What's left of it I guess) could do to dreaming. She never really remembered the dreams when they happened, but she was dimly aware of the occurrence. The main difference was the awareness of time having passed. But more often than not it was like this; a brief flicker in the sensory feed and a delirium that comes with being an A.I. that's still booting up.
In one section of her vision, red text and progress bars turned to green one by one as Valerie's A.I. plug-ins initialized.
Just like “commercial units?”
Please don't be alarmed, the system is meant to feel and function quite seamlessly when all the necessary software is running properly.
Other sections of her field of view flashed the usual status messages and important data such as battery level and internal temperature.
It's called a H.U.D., or “heads up display.”
Yeah doc, I've played a few video games, I know what it means.
In the upper left section (more than a quadrant, but not quite a half) the camera feed from her eyes was auto-focusing on her roommate's face above her, which held a vaguely curious though not truly interested expression. It certainly wasn't warm. Val took note of the time display in one corner of her H.U.D.
10:17AM.
A section of Val's vision tracked and displayed how much of her CPU power was being used by various software. The bar for her emotional response plug-in flared considerably.
“What the fuck?” Val inquired in a decidedly robotic monotone, too angry and still to unskilled in operating her new body and mostly new brain to remember to manually inflect her vocal synthesizer. With a brief whine of her neck motors she sharply turned her head toward Taylor, who had already turned to walk away as soon as Val had shown the faintest sign of activity. “I told you I had class at 8. Why didn't you turn me on before then?”
“I overslept. Sorry,” Taylor replied, though she was obviously more annoyed than apologetic. She could be a bitch more energetically, Val thought, but I guess she'd have to see me as human to do so.
“I already missed my first whole day of college. I need to keep my scholarship. My parents spent so much money on... my operation.”
Turn 18 and I don't even get to enjoy buying a pack of smokes.
“You don't sound that upset about it,” Taylor shrugged.
Shit, that's right. Val mentally fumbled through her vocal inflection options in her head.
“It takes a little more effort for me to emote than I'm used to,” Val tried to say sternly, though the result was a bit stilted and awkward.
“Well, fix your timer or whatever. I didn't ask to have some weirdo robot goth girl for a roommate that I have to fucking... flip a switch on the back of your neck in the morning,” she stammered, “it's fucking weird.”
“I'm getting it looked into.” Val sat up, her torso swiveling stiffly and steadily around her pelvis with a loud whirring of the motors under her synthetic skin. “Hopefully they can get their shit together with a software update and I don't have to make an appointment.”
Val got off the bed, unplugged her power cord from the wall and let it retract into her side, and began to gather her things as quickly as she could with her stiff movements. Taylor stared, still not used to seeing this mechanical girl in motion.
“Quit staring and go about your business, citizen,” Val chided (though with less effective sarcastic bravado as she hoped for). She grabbed a Type O Negative shirt (with the cover of October Rust on it) from her drawer and pulled it over the camisole she'd been recharging in. She also selected a facial expression from her library of available options that cocked her mouth to one side and one eyebrow up as she turned her head toward Taylor. “Looks like I've got some academic maintenance to take care of in the meantime.”

[Spaz]

This is a very good first story. I hope you would consider writing more of this...

[Sentient6]

Thanks, guys. Is there anything in particular you liked about it? Anything you're interested in seeing developed further?

[Spaz]

The fact that it is a person dealing with their new nature for the first time. I don't remember reading a lot of stories here that deal with that, and I have read most of the stories here.

Anyway, the way you go about it is far more descriptive and verbose than the others I have read.

[Sentient6]

Thanks. I guess I succeeded at what I set out to do. I'll be pretty busy, but I'll update it when I can. I guess I should think of a title too.

[Sentient6]

By the way, this was my general inspiration for the descriptions of Val's H.U.D. and some of the way her software is organized.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=pl ... n0ReGJflzc#!

[Spaz]

Interesting choice, here's another you might consider for further inspiration:
http://www.fembotwiki.com/index.php?tit ... :ID_26.jpg

[Sentient6]

Oh yeah, I remember seeing the trailer for this film.

[Spaz]

The full film is on Dale Coba's ftp. I recently screencapped all the relevant bits.

[Sentient6]

Ok, guys, her's part 2 (still haven't thought of a title). We get into a little malfunction action here, so I hope someone enjoys that!







Valerie trudged up the hill to her government class. She wished she could move faster, but her capabilities were limited in many ways....

“Val, your father and I have been told that there may be a way for you to walk again.”
Offering a discount with certain concessions.
“These kinds of things are very expensive, sweetie. This might be the best opportunity we could have.”

Some more observant people seemed to be staring, but most people were distracted enough to not notice Val's stiff, motorized gait underneath the hooded trench-coat she'd thrown on before leaving her room (though a big coat in August was conspicuous in its own way). It wasn't doing wonders for heat management, but it at least covered up that ridiculous one-pigment synthskin they'd covered her with.

“Even with these subsidies we'll only be able to afford a fairly basic model.”

Val knew this fucking glorified mannequin, as she often thought of it, wasn't fooling anybody. Sure, she had the same figure as before. She had soft skin, a replica of her own face, a couple B-cup pieces of silicone on her chest, and even the lady parts down south, though that basically amounted to a fleshlight built in between her legs. At least she had the appropriate increased sensitivity in that area. Maybe if the sorostitute isn't around tonight I can plug into the wall, look up some porn on my built-in wi-fi, and have a little date with myself, she thought. That was the only action she got anymore. Aidan broke things off pretty fast after the “transformation” or whatever she wanted to call it. He tried to act all cute about it at first. “Babe, your like some badass robot now? Yeah, let's kill all humans!” But that first night they tried anything intimate it was obvious where things were going. Val tried her best, but at that point most every move she knew fell under the categories of “cadaver” and “flailing.” Aidan obviously wasn't into it, and he more or less just gave up the next day. “People change,” he said, “sometimes they can't stay together when that happens. I mean, you should know better than anyone, right?”

A “lifelike female android” my man-made ass.

The effort didn't really make her tired. She didn't really experience pain or physical exhaustion anymore. But more exertion meant more drain on her battery and more heat through her wires and motors, as did the additional number crunching her CPU had to do to maintain a functional walking motion compared to walking on a flat plane without a bunch of heavy school books (I ought to just sit down and save stills from whatever pages I need and just store them on my hard drive, she noted. At least she wasn't especially limited on disk space).

A warning message flashed: “EXCESSIVE HEAT LEVEL: Unit will enter low power-usage mode if excessive heat persists.”
SHIT. Okay, Val, just a few more steps to the top of the hill and maybe-
No such luck. As she crested the hill Val's fail-safes engaged and she fell face first to the concrete. She lay to her side, limbs slack. She was still dimly aware of what was going on, but her higher order A.I. functions had been suspended, so she couldn't really form an opinion of her situation.

Most people just stared a few walked over for a cursory glance. “The hell? Looks like some sort of robot.”
“Why's it wearing a backpack?”
“I dunno. It probably belongs to the school or something.”
That seemed to be enough to convince everyone not to concern themselves. After a few minutes an answerable question finally triggered Val's still operational speech recognition software.
“What's wrong?” Val's visual feed was filled with a concerned face. Very plain, with thick glasses and a bush of sandy brown hair tied into a loose ponytail.
“Amplify query,” Val's vocal synthesizer automatically replied. Her mouth hung open, allowing the fan inside to vent heat from her brain more efficiently.
“Uh, why are you laying on the ground?”
“This unit's motor functions are currently disabled.”
“Why?”
“Amplify query.”
“Why are your motor function's disabled?”
“This unit is currently operating in low power mode to reduce heat buildup.”
“Well, then why are you wearing a trench-coat in August?”
“Unable to answer question.”
The girl sighed. “This isn't what it looks like, people.” She turned back to Val. “Alright, you poor thing, let's cool you down.”
The girl dragged Val into the shade and pulled the trench-coat off of her, revealing the well-crafted but almost chalk-white arms the sleeves had obscured.
“Wait right there,” the girl said before stepping into the nearby dining hall. A minute or two later she returned with a handful of ice wrapped in a paper towel. She wrapped it up further in the hood of Val's coat and set the makeshift ice pack on the incapacitated robot's pale forehead. After about 30 seconds Val started to become herself again as the rest of her software relaunched.
“Thank you,” she said to the kind stranger, making sure to sound as natural as she could.
“Don't mention it. I felt bad for you. You looked so helpless.”
“You don't know the half of it.”
“So you're ok now?”
“Other than my class attendance nosediving into the toilet so far, I guess I'm ok for now. I really need to get moving though.”
“Fair enough. My name's Jessy by the way.”
“I'm Valerie.”
“See you around?”
“If I don't flunk out of college.”
“Well, good luck!”
“Thanks.”
Val tucked the coat under one arm and made her way to class, hoping she'd be able to find a seat next to an outlet. Hope I run into her again, she thought.

[Spaz]

Another very good segment!

I'm wondering if this Jessy will turn out to be an android...?

[Sentient6]

I'll admit I hadn't really envisioned that being the case, though I am toying with the idea of introducing more robots somehow or other down the line. I'm sorta making this up as I go.

[WilloWisp]

..if you want to build your story, figure out a direction for it and maybe toss down a few bullet points or an outline.
Think of it like the chassis of your android, then put the skin and padding on her (ie: your actual story).

The man speaks truth. Virus Alert is entirely constructed using this method. Make a list of events, the 30-second synopsis version of your story. Take any two adjacent events, and put a smaller bullet point in-between them, which covers something in more detail. Keep doing this until you've got a decent set of events for a chapter, then go down the list and write a paragraph or two for each bullet.

So, for instance, you've established "Protagonist was human who got paralyzed in an accident." I would probably outline it something like:

* Human girl, normal everyday life
* End of a workshift or school day, walking home, downtown
* Halfway notices car caught in construction gridlock, driver obviously impatient
* Driver makes illegal maneuvers, breaks free of traffic
* Speeds down blocked off pedestrian road, hits girl

Five bullet points, all pretty simple stuff. You can probably stretch those five points out into at least 1,000 words if you put your mind to it. The first point alone could easily take more than 300 words.

In my case, I came up with a large-scale plot, then identified places within that plot which could serve as somewhat self-contained subplots. For each of those, I made another outline, then filled in the gaps to make individual "episodes" (Chapters, really).

[BA2]

Make it up or plan it out - whatever works for you! I'm enjoying your writing, nice fresh point of view and a deliciously unreliable robot girl, bring it on!

BA

[Sentient6]

Aw, I feel all warm and fuzzy now! There's definitely more to come. I've unfortunately been violently ill and will hopefully be fully recovered soon.

[Hayley Anachronism]

You know...not bad. I'd read more.

[Sentient6]

Well, I see that you're a "cyborg" who's into transformation, so I guess that makes sense! Anything in particular you liked? And yes, there will be more soon, though I'll probably be moving it to another thread now that I've come up with a title and I've edited one of the existing chapters a bit.

[Sentient6]

Ok, in case anyone is still checking this thread I've moved things to a new thread.

http://www.fembotcentral.com/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=10961