Feedback and You!

Share your fembot fiction and fantasies here or discuss the craft of writing by asking for or giving suggestions.
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Re: Feedback and You!

Postby Brytestar » Sat Nov 28, 2015 12:04 pm

Image
Sometimes you just gotta look at the Bryte side!

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Re: Feedback and You!

Postby Saya » Sun Nov 29, 2015 3:29 am

darkbutflashy wrote:
Brytestar wrote:I would like you see stories about muscular gynoids (blond) that would give DC heroes like Galatea, Wonder Woman, Power Girl and Supergirl a run for their money. So is anyone up for that? :D

I'm in favour of powerful fembots/cyborgs, too, but do they absolutely have to be blonde, muscular for you? "Muscular" doesn't give much sense to me when I write about a cyberfemme who just utilizes her hydrolics to slowly push away a tons-heavy obstacle or who is hurling a goon against a wall or who is tightening a bolt with her plain fingers.

About blonde, I always assume powerful+blonde as a kind of disguise. Do you mean it that way? Because it hits my brain a bit when I mix "muscular" into it.


A good excuse for the muscular bit, if you wanted to include that, could be something relating to synthetic musculature. Think the stuff on the Crysis nanosuit, only not made out of alien. Or, hell, designer preference. If the robot in question isn't intended to be obviously so, perhaps that's a design decision made to make her less suspicious overall.
"If the time should ever come when what is now called science, thus familiarized to men, shall be ready to put on, as it were, a form of flesh and blood, the Poet will lend his divine spirit to aid the transfiguration, and will welcome the Being thus produced, as a dear and genuine inmate of the household of man."
- William Wordsworth

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Re: Feedback and You!

Postby Brytestar » Thu Jan 28, 2016 10:06 am

That's interesting Saya. I'll keep that in mind. I know not everyone is into muscles (and no I am NOT talking about muscle cars/trucks!) Still I'd hope to see a story about it.
Sometimes you just gotta look at the Bryte side!

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Re: Feedback and You!

Postby Esleeper » Fri Apr 01, 2016 6:33 am

I've been waiting for feedback on my fics for some time now. There is a link to them in my signature.
A list of my work: viewtopic.php?f=4&t=13122

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Re: Feedback and You!

Postby Murotsu » Fri Apr 22, 2016 8:56 pm

Esleeper wrote:I've been waiting for feedback on my fics for some time now. There is a link to them in my signature.


I took a quick look at your story. If I can find more time, I'll read it in its entirety.

If you want honest feed back I can proffer it. I won't generally judge the concept or idea. That'd be wrong. But, there are good and bad ways to write fiction.

You need less exposition, more dialogue. The paragraphs should be broken up into shorter, single topic ones. Some "white" (ie., unused space) on the page isn't a bad thing. Let the characters talk rather than talk for them. Don't explain things, show and describe them to the reader and let the reader draw their own conclusions. Implicit is often better than explicit. Let the reader's imagination work for you rather than blandly tell them in detail what's going on.

Remember, the reader can't smell, taste, feel, what's going on. These are often forgotten senses you can add. With the topic at hand, fembots can have other senses added too and you should let the reader experience them as well.

I hope that helps.

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Re: Feedback and You!

Postby Esleeper » Tue May 03, 2016 11:21 pm

Murotsu wrote:
Esleeper wrote:I've been waiting for feedback on my fics for some time now. There is a link to them in my signature.


I took a quick look at your story. If I can find more time, I'll read it in its entirety.

If you want honest feed back I can proffer it. I won't generally judge the concept or idea. That'd be wrong. But, there are good and bad ways to write fiction.

You need less exposition, more dialogue. The paragraphs should be broken up into shorter, single topic ones. Some "white" (ie., unused space) on the page isn't a bad thing. Let the characters talk rather than talk for them. Don't explain things, show and describe them to the reader and let the reader draw their own conclusions. Implicit is often better than explicit. Let the reader's imagination work for you rather than blandly tell them in detail what's going on.

Remember, the reader can't smell, taste, feel, what's going on. These are often forgotten senses you can add. With the topic at hand, fembots can have other senses added too and you should let the reader experience them as well.

I hope that helps.


Pardom the late reply.

You know, you sound just like my co-writer with aome of those comments, though he's admitted to me he's no expert on "show,don't tell" either. Doesn't help that I seem to struggle to get dialog to seem "natural", rather than forced or scripted. Sometimes I feel like having more dialog might actually backfire on me as a result. As for exposition, suffice to say the community I've written for most has a world building fetish that I ended up getting myself. If there's a way to make it less intrusive, I'd like to know.

I've known that the sensory studd was an issue for a while, but I can never quite seem to fix it. Any pointers or examples I could look at?
A list of my work: viewtopic.php?f=4&t=13122

Posts: 230
Joined: Sun Apr 17, 2016 10:47 pm

Re: Feedback and You!

Postby Murotsu » Wed May 04, 2016 3:51 pm

My background is all technical and engineering. Creative writing is something I've only picked up in the last few years, mostly to keep from... Well, it's kept me here.

Anyway, at first I did lots of detail and narrative too. It took having it pointed out to me by pros how to fix that. Now I revel in eliminating stuff I included at first. I seek the most streamlined version of the scene I can create. I think carefully about each scene and what my senses (or those of the characters... my non-human characters get ones humans don't have) would be experiencing if I were there. Sights, smells, sounds. The feel of a surface.
Put yourself in your character's place. Try to think "if I were my character, what would I be experiencing in this scene?"

Also, try to storyboard some. Who is your main character? Focus on them. All the other characters are secondary. You can have more than one but remember who is important. If your story is about Thesis then focus on her. If Chares is important don't leave him out. Make sure the scenes revolve around the important characters.

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Re: Feedback and You!

Postby Esleeper » Wed May 04, 2016 10:50 pm

Murotsu wrote:My background is all technical and engineering. Creative writing is something I've only picked up in the last few years, mostly to keep from... Well, it's kept me here.

Anyway, at first I did lots of detail and narrative too. It took having it pointed out to me by pros how to fix that. Now I revel in eliminating stuff I included at first. I seek the most streamlined version of the scene I can create. I think carefully about each scene and what my senses (or those of the characters... my non-human characters get ones humans don't have) would be experiencing if I were there. Sights, smells, sounds. The feel of a surface.
Put yourself in your character's place. Try to think "if I were my character, what would I be experiencing in this scene?"

Also, try to storyboard some. Who is your main character? Focus on them. All the other characters are secondary. You can have more than one but remember who is important. If your story is about Thesis then focus on her. If Chares is important don't leave him out. Make sure the scenes revolve around the important characters.


I try. Complicating matters is that the community I write for most of my work (including what I posted) is rather big on worldbuilding, sometimes to the point of losing track of the story itself. I try to keep the habit under control, but ultimately it just doesn't feel right to me if I skimp on too much detail. Just a personality or cultural quirk on my end I guess, but I'll keep it in mind.

One last thing. Did the smut part of it seem alright to you? Even with several stories under my belt. I always get hung up worrying that I'm not doing it right.
A list of my work: viewtopic.php?f=4&t=13122

Posts: 230
Joined: Sun Apr 17, 2016 10:47 pm

Re: Feedback and You!

Postby Murotsu » Wed May 04, 2016 11:25 pm

I do more sci-fi than anything else as far as writing goes. Even when you world build, and believe me I have made some incredibly detailed ones... including one I'm planning a story for here because he race fits the genre (imagine organic robots derived from humans... no artificial machine added...), I end up throwing away most of the detail as it isn't relevant to the story. You only need the bits that the characters actually interact with.
Think of it this way: How much of the world do you actually experience on a daily basis? Sure, there's lots of other stuff going on but what's relevant to you is the part you are actually involved with.

As for the smut / porn part, that's something best answered by someone else. I tend to go light on it because the way I see it including graphic sex scenes for the sake of including them holds next to zero interest to me. If it isn't part of the story, doesn't fit the narrative, then there's no point to it unless that's what your personal... whatever... wants. I want to be able to immerse myself in the story, become part of it.

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