First Date (Very Damage-Heavy!)

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User avatarKishin
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Re: First Date (Very Damage-Heavy!)

Postby Kishin » Mon Dec 03, 2018 12:47 pm

Really? I'm a bit surprised to hear that. Your Nova stories had some extremely well executed damage scenes, in my opinion, as did "Thank You For Your Patronage."


Yeah I know. I wrote those in service to the story and the readers. But they were more of a way to get to scenes that I actually enjoy and prefer, which are assembly and repair scenes. :faceoff:
"Individual science fiction stories may seem as trivial as ever to the blinder critics and philosophers of today. But the core of science fiction, its essence has become crucial to our salvation, if we are to be saved at all." - Isaac Asimov

User avatarBA2
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Re: First Date (Very Damage-Heavy!)

Postby BA2 » Mon Dec 03, 2018 1:58 pm

Awesome. Spot on. Lovin' your work! :notworthy: :notworthy:

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Re: First Date (Very Damage-Heavy!)

Postby D.Olivaw » Tue Dec 04, 2018 6:57 am

Guderian34 wrote:Also please let there be a part 2 and maybe pics it's the Christmas season you know


I'll see what I can do. There are some other long-running (read: delayed) projects in my queue that I'd like to finish now that I'm back in the writing mood. However, the relatively enthusiastic response to this story means I'm more likely to try to write a sequel, or perhaps simply other stuff in a similar vein.

In the future I'd like to focus on less simplistic plots, mainly to give myself a little narrative room to have fun with the characters, but without also bloating up the length too much from the short-storyish standard that I think is most comfortable for erotic fiction.

With regards to pictures, Anika was very loosely inspired by a reference picture. I can try to dig it up if you like.

As another, more general point, I'm very interested in detailed critique from anyone willing to offer any. What worked? What didn't? What would you like to have seen more or less of?

Writers improve by only two means: experience and criticism. I have little of the former but even less of the latter. If something struck you, please feel free to say so. Comments like Saya's and DZiegler's are very helpful, just as much for the analysis, which helps me write better, as the praise, which encourages me to write more. However, criticism that tells me what I can improve upon is if anything even more valuable than that which tells me what I'm currently doing right.
"So through endless twilights I dreamed and waited, though I knew not what I waited for. Then in the shadowy solitude my longing for light grew so frantic that I could rest no more, and I lifted entreating hands to the single black ruined tower that reached above the forest into the unknown outer sky. And at last I resolved to scale that tower, fall though I might; since it were better to glimpse the sky and perish, than to live without ever beholding day. " – H. P. Lovecraft

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Re: First Date (Not for the Faint of Heart!)

Postby N6688 » Tue Dec 04, 2018 10:58 am

sparty wrote:John blinked, thinking through the implications. He took Anika’s chin into his hand and turned her thin, feminine face one way, then the other. Letting go of it, he brought his hand back and slapped her on the cheek, just hard enough to turn her head.

She gave him a fierce look. “Harder.”


Image

But seriously, only one word:
Image
"Robot wives have needs, too"
Goku, Dragonball fighterZ 2017

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Re: First Date (Very Damage-Heavy!)

Postby Guderian34 » Tue Dec 04, 2018 11:53 am

I can't criticize anything about that story.

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Re: First Date (Very Damage-Heavy!)

Postby D.Olivaw » Tue Dec 04, 2018 5:41 pm

Since Guderian asked, I found the image that loosely inspired Anika:

Image
"So through endless twilights I dreamed and waited, though I knew not what I waited for. Then in the shadowy solitude my longing for light grew so frantic that I could rest no more, and I lifted entreating hands to the single black ruined tower that reached above the forest into the unknown outer sky. And at last I resolved to scale that tower, fall though I might; since it were better to glimpse the sky and perish, than to live without ever beholding day. " – H. P. Lovecraft

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Re: First Date (Very Damage-Heavy!)

Postby Guderian34 » Wed Dec 05, 2018 4:42 am

Thanks

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Re: First Date (Very Damage-Heavy!)

Postby D.Olivaw » Thu Dec 06, 2018 3:26 pm

Holy moly, this has broken a thousand views in less than a week. :-o

Guess I did something right.
"So through endless twilights I dreamed and waited, though I knew not what I waited for. Then in the shadowy solitude my longing for light grew so frantic that I could rest no more, and I lifted entreating hands to the single black ruined tower that reached above the forest into the unknown outer sky. And at last I resolved to scale that tower, fall though I might; since it were better to glimpse the sky and perish, than to live without ever beholding day. " – H. P. Lovecraft

User avatarKishin
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Re: First Date (Very Damage-Heavy!)

Postby Kishin » Thu Dec 06, 2018 5:13 pm

Did you ever have any doubt? You have a lot of talent! :faceoff:
"Individual science fiction stories may seem as trivial as ever to the blinder critics and philosophers of today. But the core of science fiction, its essence has become crucial to our salvation, if we are to be saved at all." - Isaac Asimov

Posts: 194
Joined: Sun Jan 20, 2008 9:52 pm
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Re: First Date (Very Damage-Heavy!)

Postby D.Olivaw » Thu Dec 06, 2018 8:06 pm

Kishin wrote:Did you ever have any doubt?


Constantly :|
"So through endless twilights I dreamed and waited, though I knew not what I waited for. Then in the shadowy solitude my longing for light grew so frantic that I could rest no more, and I lifted entreating hands to the single black ruined tower that reached above the forest into the unknown outer sky. And at last I resolved to scale that tower, fall though I might; since it were better to glimpse the sky and perish, than to live without ever beholding day. " – H. P. Lovecraft

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