Working on new visual novel.

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T-elos/Thurosis
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Re: Working on new visual novel.

Post by T-elos/Thurosis » Tue Jun 30, 2015 2:18 pm

I gave up trying to get this Novel running,
not even my friend who is an expert in computer could get it running on my PC....
While it seems to be running perfectly on his computer....
Darn it, i really want to know what went wrong...
~Everything is learnable! It only depends on the efforts that you give yourself!~

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Re: Working on new visual novel.

Post by darkbutflashy » Tue Jun 30, 2015 3:02 pm

@The Liar: my thoughts about the text:
  • Get rid of the omniscient narrator whenever possible. The shower scene at the start in lenghty, but it would work if these were Aya's thoughts reported by her. From the omniscient viewpoint, you are giving away the chance to let the player get in touch with the main character.
  • This preface without interactions is far too long. You should add some choices at the first scene involving another person, they don't need to have an impact on the story, maybe releasing only an easter-egg or give a hint.
Do you like or dislike my ongoing story Battlemachine Ayako? Leave a comment on the story's discussion pages on the wiki or in that thread. Thank you!

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Re: Working on new visual novel.

Post by darkbutflashy » Tue Jun 30, 2015 3:10 pm

@The Liar: about the graphics
  • The streets, corridoors are all empty. Put some background figures there, apparitional cars, or light stripes as from a time exposure photo.
The game seems to fault when I switch desktops, so I savegame very often. What I found, after loading a savegame, Aya's name in the text display is replaced by "DR-650...". This is a bug.
Do you like or dislike my ongoing story Battlemachine Ayako? Leave a comment on the story's discussion pages on the wiki or in that thread. Thank you!

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The Liar
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Re: Working on new visual novel.

Post by The Liar » Tue Jun 30, 2015 4:44 pm

darkbutflashy wrote:@The Liar: my thoughts about the text:
  • Get rid of the omniscient narrator whenever possible. The shower scene at the start in lenghty, but it would work if these were Aya's thoughts reported by her. From the omniscient viewpoint, you are giving away the chance to let the player get in touch with the main character.
  • This preface without interactions is far too long. You should add some choices at the first scene involving another person, they don't need to have an impact on the story, maybe releasing only an easter-egg or give a hint.
darkbutflashy wrote:@The Liar: about the graphics
  • The streets, corridoors are all empty. Put some background figures there, apparitional cars, or light stripes as from a time exposure photo.
The game seems to fault when I switch desktops, so I savegame very often. What I found, after loading a savegame, Aya's name in the text display is replaced by "DR-650...". This is a bug.
darkbutflashy wrote:@The Liar: my thoughts about the game style:
  • You should increase the text speed for normal speech. So that robotic speech can be denoted by slow speed in addition to a different font. (But I think it's too slow anyway, we are all nerdy caffeine-junkies, right?)
  • I think the font for persons who are not robots or not uncovered as robots yet should be rounded for the same reason. Maybe even for Aya when she's acting non-robotic?
  • When there are two persons, the text box should not only change the name but also be mirrored, according to whether the left or the right person is speaking. Different colors would be nice, too.
I like the text and graphics so far. Haven't got time to get through until the current end of your efforts, though. :notworthy:
I appreciate the feed back, though I'm not sure how doable many of your suggestions are. I'm using the Novelty system and those font and dialog changes will be complicated, if not impossible with the system (this is time consuming as it is, though I'll look into it.)(You do know you don't have to wait for the dialog? Just click your mouse the the whole box will be filled.).

The color change I can do, but every time I try it looks off, which is why I went with the flat white for all this time.

The omniscient narrator is only in the prologue, it's there to emphasize her lack of agency at this point.

I'll try looking into that bug, though that might just be a glitch caused by you using Wine.
edit: that does seem to be an issue. I think I need to rename the actors at the start of every scene.
Edit 2: the fix was easier than that, I just need to rename them in the cast manger, the rename command seems to work under the assumption that it's only temporary.

I should state that my principle objective with this project is to have a finished, competent product, instead of running the red queens race to perfection which dragged down a lot of my other projects.
Last edited by The Liar on Tue Jun 30, 2015 5:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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darkbutflashy
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Re: Working on new visual novel.

Post by darkbutflashy » Tue Jun 30, 2015 5:02 pm

The Liar wrote: I appreciate the feed back, though I'm not sure how doable many of your suggestions are. I'm using the Novelty system and those font and dialog changes will be complicated, if not impossible with the system (this is time consuming as it is, though I'll look into it.)
Hey, you've done some excellent artwork with the robot parts of the girls, have a good story idea and now you chicken out at some minor technical difficulties? 8)
You do know you don't have to wait for the dialog? Just click your mouse the the whole box will be filled.
Yes, I found out within seconds. I've clicked more than the whole day. It's tedious. I don't get why anyone would like to have this teletype effect. This isn't a teletype. This isn't karaoke.
The color change I can do, but every time I try it looks off, which is why I went with the flat white for all this time.
Pastel colors of white look fairly good. Or adjust the text box itself.
The omniscient narrator is only in the prologue, it's there to emphasize her lack of agency at this point.
I understand. But it tells things that are usually a good kept secret to anyone and reading it from the omniscient narrator feels to me this is meant to be public information found on a bulletin board.
I should state that my principle objective with this project is to have a finished, competent product, instead of running the red queens race to perfection which dragged down a lot of my other projects.
Well, okay. Sorry.
Do you like or dislike my ongoing story Battlemachine Ayako? Leave a comment on the story's discussion pages on the wiki or in that thread. Thank you!

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GATASAPA
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Re: Working on new visual novel.

Post by GATASAPA » Tue Jul 07, 2015 8:00 pm

Do you have other games? I foud some your posts but links all died. :cry: :cry: :cry:

--NightBattery--

Re: Working on new visual novel.

Post by --NightBattery-- » Tue Jul 07, 2015 9:11 pm

Aye, page not found it said.

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The Liar
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Re: Working on new visual novel.

Post by The Liar » Wed Jul 08, 2015 4:43 am

GATASAPA wrote:Do you have other games? I foud some your posts but links all died. :cry: :cry: :cry:
They only stay for a month since their last download.

I had started several that failed for some reason or another. I had uploaded the start of them, but they were all lost when my computer died.

Maybe the other member's still have them?
All criticism of my work is both welcome, and encouraged.
My work is uploaded under the Creative Commons Attribution ShareAlike 4.0 license, so as long as attribution is given, feel free to disseminate.

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T-elos/Thurosis
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Re: Working on new visual novel.

Post by T-elos/Thurosis » Sun Jul 12, 2015 12:48 am

Finnally i got it running...

and in the end it was only a simple thing....
my anti-virus blocked the ectraction....

now i played it. and my feedback comes now :D

The story is quite interesting and i really love that I.F. Programm also
the overwriting scene.
The only draw back was only the text speed.

I look forward to more ^^
(and hope for a at least for a bit for mekabare) XD
~Everything is learnable! It only depends on the efforts that you give yourself!~

~ take a look at my at my Gallery :D http://www.thurosis.deviantart.com ~

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